watergirl

annoyances

2006-11-08T02:27:00.000+08:00

so many things annoy me now.

at patong patong na ang iniisip ko.

i still dont know if im gonna minor

ugh

at least he's still alive

and i realized all of these stemmed from him. ugh. goodluck.

i hope he changes. asa pa.

i know what you'll say.

let go. move on. he's not worth it. he doesn't deserve you.

i know.

but fuck all that. ewan. stupid, stupid me. this is hust another hd. and worse, i am in deep.

sorry to those who are affected by my being down and irritable. by my being energy-less and attitude. ganoon pala talaga when the heart is bothered.

wahh.

ang dami. im drowning.

and my sembreak is utterly worthless.

if anything, it has worsened evertything. im oversleeping at the wrong times and overeating at the wrong times. ugh.

i dont want conflict. i dont even think i want interaction.

all i want to do is look at the stars. and dream.

the watergirl: "k"

bloody fabulous sembreak (he better be dead)

2006-11-05T02:45:00.000+08:00

im a refugee. i've been kicked out of my own house and is currently residing at the floor of my cousin's bedroom. frickin fantastic especially since im supposed to have an entire house to myself as my parents are out of the country. but no, i spent an entire week in manila afte 5 months of just being here 2 days in a month and im not even allowed to take baths in my own house on some nights. brilliant. next thing i know, ill be sleeping in the streets.

i didnt even join my block's ek trip. i woke up at 5:15 so that i can make the 745 call time, but i just.. didnt have the drive.. the energy to have fun. like i just wanted to whither up and read senseles romance novels. and thats what ive been doing all break (that and watching pda)

there are just too many things going on.. i havent even talked to my mom in quite a while as im not able to go online

i didnt have to choose between minoring or not. that choice has already been made for me. same as going to law school or any further studies for the moment.

i dont go out. i dont wake up. i dont sleep. i dont relax. this is the worst sembreak ever. i hate my friends (well, most). ive realized i barely even have friends. (who am i kidding? ive known this a long time ago) and im alienating people and ruining potentially good relationships.

and the omnipresent bm problem. i cant even tell anyone about this. this is so hopeless. this will be the end of me.

and my globe phone is broken. battery's acting up, freezes once a day, the signal disappears and the joystick has almost completely given up. oh, and my sun phone is going to be reclaimed.

oh, and did i mention i am dead broke? better than that, i have liabilities. more than assets. short term liabilities. maturing very, very soon. i do have some receivables, but they're virtually uncollectible, its as good as written off.

on top of everything, im in a relationship reminiscient of the hd. except that this one is very much real. so the frustration is tenfold.

if he's not dead, i'll kill him.

uggh.. this is worthy of self mutilation. dont worry, i would never do anything to physically damage or hurt myself. but i cannot promise i would never maul anyone. so get out of the way.

the watergirl: "k"

sembreak plans

2006-10-24T22:24:00.000+08:00

walang net sa bahay. boo. im just in a net shop para mag vent.

everything is totally falling apart..

ughh..

need i say more?

i need a real vacation.

i was never able to go the beach last summer.

and this sembreak? oh well.

so much for plans

hayy.

ang nakakainis pa, may alternative lakad.

ganito kasi yun, dapat yung plan A ko was to go on vacay from sat or sunday to the week. but then to accomodate, we moved it to wednesday to friday. tapos the globe person wanted me to come for the case simulation on thursday but i asked for them to move it.

at the same time, i made very important plans (plan X) na for saturday.

so i turned down the friday-monday plan B.

but hello!!! just today i found out we're not pushing through tomorrow with Plan A. and dahil nga i moved the globe thing and i made the plan X na, di na ako makakasama sa bakasyon na plan B. oh well.

this leaves me stuck at home, with nothing to do but be catatonic. ugh...

my lord...

i swear.. i need to get away from it all.. especially since this is the last sembreak of my life..

oh, what a pathetic life!

and he doesn't even have time for me.

back to alone-ness.

the watergirl: "k"

Happy Birthday!

2006-10-18T01:55:00.000+08:00

Happy 7th Birthday to my baby!

oo nga pala, binata na si baby ko.. Happy Birthday Adrian!

i hope you're gonna be able to keep your "birthday resolutions" of being magalang and mabait. and i know your birthday wish of being "matalino" has already been fulfilled!

aral ka lang mabuti baby! lapit na rin tayo magkasamasama. :D

and im starting my way backk.. one small step at a time..
i took the first one.. i hope i will have the courage to continue the journey home...

the watergirl: "k"

life changes

2006-10-11T17:09:00.000+08:00

life is so fucked up.

we grieve the loss of our friend, but then life goes on for us.

life is unfair... life stops for some, life goes on for some. even for some who don't want to keep living.

and even when life screws you.. you just keep fighting for those whom you have lost, for those who are with you and for those who will come in your life.

the watergirl: "k"

end of sem!!!!!!

2006-10-07T20:14:00.000+08:00

it's the end of sem

at sangkaterbang pandudusta na ang naranasan ko mula sa mga taga UST at DLSU.

but it's ok. hindi ko pinapanghinayangan ang oras na ipiinila ko at ipinagpanood ko ng mga games. even when i screamed my lungs out shouting "one big fight," "halikinu," "fabilioh" and "a song for mary"... and we LOST big time.. it's still ayt. sabi nga "win or lose, its the school we choose!"

anyway, i saw how the community accepted the defeat.. gracefully. the people were somber during the mass, but i really felt bonded with everyone.. i really felt part of the whole ateneo family.. and i realized that the "win or lose" is not just a phrase but a reality in our hearts...

arghh. ang tamad ko na magsulat. naubos sa mga bs sa 1935, 1973, 1973 revised at 1987 contitutions..

ill edit this soon...

out of town naman..

the watergirl: "k"

School activities and bummers (and mga kabaduyan)

2006-09-22T09:49:00.000+08:00

i cannot go online. ugh. ugh. ugh. problema ang inet connection.
at sobrang baduy ko na. since gradeschool, ngayon lang ulit ako nanood ng local channels ng puspusan. mula tv patrol world (minsan pati pangako sayo), deal or no deal, suoper inggo, , crazy for you, pinoy dream academy, noypi/correspondents/probe/soco, bandila, mirada de mujer hanggang uplate. wahhhh. at adik ako sa super inggo (nakakaiyak!), crazy for you (i love spain!) at pda(masarap manlait ng mga students/dreamers). at surprisingly, nakakaadik ang balita.

kung nagtataka kayo kung saan napunta ang star world at axn, wala kaming cable. dahil wala kaming pera. which brings me to another topic: i am poor.

i am sooo poor, especially dahil i dont tutor na AT ang daming gastos sa school (at misc. :P)

hayyyy...

at umaattend na pala ako ng school activities like bowl for FAME, pj party, cervini party et. al.

miss ko na sina mom, dad and baby.

advanced happy birthday kay daddy!!
the watergirl: "k"

house, grey's anatomy, prison break, the devil wears prada and korean stuff

2006-09-01T11:02:00.000+08:00

i have such an addictive personality.

i haven't been blogging much, but my laptop has been working overtime.

been watching marathons of grey's, house, lost, satc (forever and ever), and tonight: prison break.

oh, and romel has convinced me to watch a CRAPPY movie: moments of love

speaking of moments, i LOOOOVVVEEEE a moment to remember, windstruck and my sassy girl, so much that i bought a dvd of 8 korean movies. and i'll be having a My girl marathon soon too

oh and kevs and i watched the devil wears prada last wednesday. it was sooo good!

but it got me into thinking..

meryll streep (the devil. :P) puts her career on top of everything else.
on the other hand, anne hathaway (who wore great chanel boots) felt terrible and gave up a super career because she felt guilty.

i was annoyed at anne, i loved meryll. am i evil?

am i just too damn obsessed with having a kick-ass career that i would let other things and people that i value slide down?

i don't think (i hope) i would intentionally violate my friends and colleagues, but i also won't feel guilty when a boss lets me get ahead instead of them. if i were anne, i wouldn't let the guilt consume me, becasue i didn't do anything unethical, it was all meryll's

i understand that she was afraid of turning into her and making the same choices that she did, but she is a free being and thus she would have the option to act differently, to act according to her morals. it doesn't follow that because meryll streep is successful and she is the devil, anyone would have to be a devil to be successful or will turn into a devil upon achieving success.

its time for OR and borrrrriiinnggg POM
the watergirl: "k"

Atenista ka Ba??

2006-07-21T02:05:00.000+08:00

kinopya ko kay Kevs..
isang gabing hindi ako makatulog..
ayokong ituloy si Aristotle at ang preferential option for the poor..

You are an Atenean if you...

(x) eat at Manang’s -counted ba kapag hindi naubos yung food?
(x) learn the alma mater -umeffort ako dito.. naglaan ako ng oras sa pagmemorize..
(x) get on the dean’s list -umm.. twice!
(x) sleep on a bench -nap lang
( ) be a TNT! -not even an Orsem volunteer
(x) jog around the campus in the evening -sarrrap..lalo na pag malamig tapos Mcdo after
(x) visit the art gallery -maganda ang gallery! kahit nakakatakot yung guard
(x) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name -Ate Cora!
(x) get a Jesuit for a teacher -Giordano and Mananzan.. haha.. mga easible
(x) itch from higad bites -not full-blown. nahugsan agad
(x) have gotten an F in something -A 32/100 in an OR 2 exam!! wahh!! Queueing! see.. i dont even know how to spell it..
(x) have taken a crap in school -wahaha.. umamin na daw. nung 1st year,2nd sem nagka upset tummy ako. super onti lang ts umuwi na ako. wahaha. natatandaan ko pa kung saan
(x) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game -had patron seats at the DLSU side! took Habana's test the day after and gave up all hope of an A
(x) give a powerpoint presentation -goodluck na lang di ba...
(x) study in the caf upstairs -1st and 2nd year.. Math and Accounting.. with the block!
(x) watch a T.A. play -hindi pa yata ako nanonood ng hindi required or walang bonus..
(x) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars -with...
( ) eat in Full House, Martha’s Kitchen, and Ken Afford -Ken Afford lang. where the hell are these other two????
(x) sleep in the lib -medio maraming beses na.. upcoming: Mateo?
(x) visit Mr. San Andres -counted ba yung sa ID violation?
(x) go to the chapel -mabibilang sa isang kamay..
(x) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad -have even gotten heels stuck in the mud/between Takeshi tiles..
(x) cut class with your block to watch a movie -not really cut.. late lang sa Psych bec of Kung Fu Hustle
( ) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers -i'm a great big chicken with early reg privileges
( ) go to CERSA night- bakit nga ba hindi?
( ) eat rice siomai -ayaw ko ma foodpoisoning
( ) learn how to smoke -i learned way way way way way long before Ateneo.. so long I have forgotten na
(x) fall in love -have made the DECISION to love... and been hurt ;(
(x) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib -all those Twisted and similar books.. Grisham and Sheldon..
(x) play cards during your free time -1st and 2nd year!
(x) dress in business attire -uhmm.. countless times..
(x) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight -make that more than 48.. walang ligo/kain?
( ) have gotten side comments from ASSOC -assoc ba yung mga mukhang... wahh.. i dont know who they are.. and i dont care
( ) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes -wahhh!! i havent had Sat classes but I took/will take INTACT sessions..
( ) go to your immersion -will go...
(x) eat Food for After Thought sandwiches -did NOT like it.. sorry DDDY!>-- this line was purposely deleted and is for private consumption only. -- kevin, ano tong line na to?? huh??
(x) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors -kahit konti lang..
( ) watch “Minsan Lang Sila Bata” and “Macho Dancer” for class -Boogie Nights lang e..
(x) do a last minute paper -ehemm... all my papers..
(x) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures -pwede bang 2x2 na lang ang ibigay?
(x) get exempted from final exams -ehem...
( ) attend a college mass -ayaw ko ng mainit e.. :p na-lock kami sa Caf during the mass...
(x) promise to quit smoking -matagal na..
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest -nung AJ?
(x) know where the best restrooms are on campus -CTC and SEC C 3rd floor..
(x) join an org -ho-hum...
(x) allow yourself to make mistakes -after 25 years of frustrations..
(x) take summer classes -uhmm.. every summer?
(x) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening -and the creepy cross near the jesuit residence..
(x) make a video for a project -Lit 13.. na-hug ko siya.. Fil 11 Little Miss Pilipings.. Philo docus..
(x) have a crush on a teacher -Yiheee!!! Mikael Co. :p
( ) attend a Jesuit retreat -I will this senior year!
(x) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes -"Ms. Cristobal, dormer ka ba??? Obvious kasi e..." wtf? diskriminasyon!
(x) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones -pag lowbat or super taas na ng phonebill..
(x) participate in school activities -yihee! recweek? elections? reg?
(x) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts -yikes... ANNOYING.. naririnig ko pa sa condo...
(x) ride a tricycle on campus -pag tamad maglakad.. malayo kasi ang SS
(x) find a tambayan -sortof/kindof..
(x) admire the marikina valley at night -hmm... and magkwentuhan tungkol sa adolescence
(x) go drinking along Katipunan -Tia Maria's, Shade, Loft, Kafe (noon), heck, Burgundy!
(x) learn how to beg for a higher grade -sa Botany lab lang..
(x) use your cuts wisely -wahh.. minsan hindi wise
(x) volunteer to be class beadle -dati beadle ako sa lahat... ayoko na ngayon!!
(x) had the worst lottery schedule for reg -1st year,2nd sem. Pamatay na pre-enlisted, pamatay na random number 600 out of 600 students
(x) admire the trees on campus -kaibiganin ang mga puno..
(x) have forgotten about your freecut and gone to that class -wahaha... letseng eco yan.. 7:30 am pa!
(x) eat in the ISO canteen -no choice kaya polvoron na alng kinakain ko..
(x) be active in your org -sortof/kindof.. pasaway na others
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it -just because theblock signed up for it.. i havent liked anyone that much..
(x) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair -kasama ko si kevin dito.. wahaha.. mas marami nga ata ako inapply-an e, wahahaha
(x) learn how to cram -kaso h.s. pa lang crammer na ako e..
(x) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere -i sold to myself and to a boylet who didn't watch it. :P
(x) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate’s notes -wahehe.. minsan lang naman.. masipag na ako magnotes ngayon compared sa hs.. sa OR mostly..
(x) have accidentally seen a make-out session -and more..
(x) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge -kung saan nalaglag si..
( ) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice-versa -sa Lit 14 ni Acuna during film showing of Hamlet pa lang.. "Ms Cristobal, this is not a place to sleep" naka mic pa naman.."
(x) learn how to work with groupmates from hell -hmmph. i hate them, those groupmates..
(x) perfect the art of parking on campus -d naman perfect.. yung onti na lang gasgas na yung katabi/yung puno/yung white bar
(x) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus -damn that ID!
( ) develop a love for sisig -ayoko talaga e..
(x) learn how to pronounce “AEGIS” properly -matagal ko na alam.. aegis fan ako e..
( ) have used typing rooms at the library -merrronnnnn???
(x) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function -beadle nga e..
(x) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries -isang beses pa lang, nabara pa..
(x) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella -not because of thieves tho.. because of my own negligence..
(x) have used consultation hours properly -mostly pag groupwork
(x) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn’t break any equipment -i did not break anything!!
(x) visit the Guidance Office -every sem!
(x) and Infirmary -isang beses pa lang..

additions ko:
(x) have had an overnight project-making session at a groupmate's house (keboy!)
(x) have went to school without taking a bath (wahaha... galing pa sa inuman)
(x) have been apprehended for ID violation (wee hee)
(x) have been to an org-sponsored concert that isn't all that hot (yana...)
(x) nag MERON (wheee.. philo..)
(x) have photocopied expensive readings that you didn't read (SA, Fil..etc)
(x) have been in a YM meeting that did not accomplish anything (goodluck..)
(x) have counted the number of minutes the teacher is late (10 mins for MWF and 15 mins for TTH.. freecut na!!!)
(x) have eaten lugaw at the sattelite caf (with egg!)
(x) have attended a boring GA but enjoyed the free food (spanish bread anyone?)
(x) have slyly asked what another person's qpi is (GC!!!)

whew!
sana magawa ko pa yung mga hindi ko pa nagagawa.. bago gumradweyt..
yuck! 1st sem pa alng senioritis na..
hayyy...
malelate ako sa INTACT nito e.

the watergirl: "k"

Superproject, Tutoring and Life without TV

2006-07-21T01:19:00.000+08:00

i haven't posted anything since school started? omg!?!

well.. I don't have TV

that means ive been watching way too many DVD's and VCD's. I've rented all that I could from video city, and bought and borrowed seasons.

I love Grey's Anatomy. Talk to me about it. I just ADORE Sandra Oh.

And guess what. I am quite up to date with my readings. woo-hoo!

My daily schedule is quite busy:

M-W
9:00 Wake Up
10:30 to 1:30 Classes
1:30 to 4:30 Readings, papers, etc
4:30-7:30 Tutor

Friday, same except I wake up at 7 and I have Intact at 8:30

TTh
some mornings for Superproject
1:30 to 6:00 classes
6:00 to 9:00 tutoring

Sat
1:00 to 5:00 tutoring

free time: tutoring,editing, reading, eating.

I applied for SOA. Hope I get accepted!

I am always desperate to go out. I am almost always stuck in the condo because my free time is at night and it's difficult to go out at night. I can't even watch movies alone anymore because i don't wanna go to the mall alone at night.

ugh.

...

what a life..

this sucks big time..

why am i so mean to him anyway?

i'm burning out pretty soon..

the search is still ongoing...

the watergirl: "k"

sick all day

2006-06-14T22:05:00.000+08:00

i thought i wasn't all that busy, that i didn't throw myself too much on my internship. that i had so mych free time. that i didn't give all that i could to the internship.

that's why i think i won't be given a job offer. that's why i know i have to look for a job this coming year.

then right after my final presentation, right when i had some freedom.. i got sick. real sick. for two days running i've had a terrible headache and tummyache. been spending entire days in bed. dammit. i hate this. i dont know if its because of the strain of the entire summer or the sudden stress of not being needed, of not having to do anything.

then i looked at my blog. i have written all but 4 entries during the course of my work, and the 3 ive written during the last stretch, when i was less busy. then i looked at my planner/journal and.. lo and behold! i've had no entries regarding my personal life. that's when i realized i've been too busy with work.

maybe navs was right. ive been giving my all but it feels it's not enough. when will i be good enough? maybe never.

oh well. i'll just have to accept that even if i wanted t work there, i cant have everything. As always, i'll expect the worse. but secretly hope for the best.

btw, he texted. i was hostile. he stopped texting. it felt good. it felt terrible. he should die.

the watergirl: "k"

conditioner

2006-06-01T23:51:00.000+08:00

ugh. everywhere i go, i see creamsilk. and when i look for conditioners in sss, supermarkets, 7-11, or even my friends' bathrooms-- i see creamsilk.

i admit, i used creamsilk too. because it was THE conditioner. it's top of mind and front of shelves.

i realize my friends and i didn't even think rejoice or head and shoulders had conditioner. we thought it was shampoo AND conditioner. we were wrong.

i guess because for p&g's pantene, h&s and rejoice they mostly focus on the shampoo. and the leave on conditioners sometimes (in the hideous bottles)

thankfully, i have seen the light and realized that ive just been such a prejudiced bitch. just because rejoice has jingles like "sumusunod sa galaw mo" doesn't mean they have substandard conditioner. just because their target market are the masses doesn't mean it wont make my hair smooth and shiny.

and i remember the horrors of creamsilk black. if you havent experienced the skyrocketing waterbill and the relentless "may itim ka sa buhok," and if u are masochistic, try it. buy 4 dozens of sachet. then you'll see.

so now i'm off creamsilk and into pantene and rejoice when i need to buy a sachet. but really, im a citre shiine and binge girl through and through.

the watergirl: "k"

work and play

2006-05-13T21:22:00.000+08:00

had my midpoints and discovered i have to worrrrrkkkkkk a lot more. so what do i do?

more play.

finaly had my first swim of the summer. in the burgundy pool. pathetic, right? that's the story of my life.

i helped a friend yesterday. or more like, guided a friend through a major life event. it was.. actually funny. so i've proven that you can have fun while helping others.

i have come to terms with the inevitable. i've been clinging for too long. we've been clinging too long. i know it's time. it's time to let go of the safety line and plunge into the abyss known as singlehood.

so, i'm back in the field! hopefully.

the watergirl: "k"

roadtrips!

2006-05-08T00:05:00.000+08:00

last friday, my meeting got cancelled so i called yana to see if i can drag her with me to practice driving. then we called egay and decided to go to tagaytay. i called and concinced sed, sadly dk has an exam.

we couldnt contact treb so we decided to pick him up in lp. we had lunch at blue wave, picked julius up in lp, then proceeded to get treb. they were both shocked and bagong gising. we went to starbucks tagaytay, took some pix (will post them soon!), ate at yc, more pics. we decided to have an overnight at the condo so we dropped off julius and egay, picked up DK, went to baywalk, dropped off sed and yana, treb, dk and i made gin shakes at the condo. we played mahjong and poker then i slept. saturday, i toured the two around admu, then around up. then we went to my house where they slept while i went out with mom.

whew. we were so funny, we took pics everywhere. it was sort of like the old days except that we are talking about marriage and kids and all that. yikes! i miss my hs friends..

then today i picked up jaymi and augie at rp, then we didnt know where we'd go so i got apprehended by an mmda for swerving along edsa. i almost got issued a ticket when i remembered to call yana and tito mike rescued me! hurrah!

sadly, all good things must come to an end. i have my midpoint tom. goodluck na lang sa akin..

gotta go cram!

the watergirl: "k"

Busy-ness

2006-05-04T21:18:00.000+08:00

whoa. im not even updating my blog.

extreme busy-ness

midpoint tom and on Monday! woah!

hayyy...

may problems na naman kami... kailan ba nawalan?

ang gulo gulo..

the watergirl: "k"

pringles

2006-04-03T21:50:00.000+08:00

pringles case.

yum yum.

:p

the watergirl: "k"

busy day

2006-03-29T22:06:00.000+08:00

busy day.
i saw ahia.
snapped at my dear.

the watergirl: "k"

nonexistent summer

2006-03-26T18:29:00.000+08:00

and to think nangarap pa akong magsummer roadtrip.

my last final was on the evening of march 22.
i signed my internship contract on the 23rd and spent the rest of the day on medicals. (think digital r.e. XP)

on friday i took care of licenses and stuff. went back to makati to finish my medicals.

saturday was nanay's bday but i enrolled in driving classes and accompanied duday to udmc.

sunday-- lessons in the morning and back to burgundy in the afternoon to get clothes and things.

all the while i'm trying to understand him. i shouldn't have let him back.
i'll give the ultimatum. i swear.

tomorrow and on the 28th, classes again.
on the 29th the training begins.
and work is until june 9.

then classes.

so when would i have time?

the watergirl: "k"

ojt frenzy: over!

2006-03-23T21:11:00.000+08:00

turned down globe
turned down ibank
didn't show up at citiseconline and branders
didnt wait for unilever (feeling ko rejected)

signed with p&g cbd!

now i have to deal with licenses and medicals and sss and taxes.

wahh..

then the training, then the immersion, then the work

when will it end?

when will i get to see my...

the watergirl: "k"

marketing and ojt and or and all that

2006-03-17T22:55:00.000+08:00

we got in! tomorrow's competition day.. i hope we dont screw up.

i've already had the globe offer for the longest time, and the salary was substantial.but i kept holding off because i wanted to keep my options open. so when the deadline was set for today, i asked for it to be deferred to tuesday. god, i hope i know what im doing and i hope i get to work for a firm i like in a job ill love.:p

O.R. is absolutely crazy. well, actually not. i just am. :p

hayyy. i'm glad i only have to worry about the finals.

and my life.

the watergirl: "k"

marketing is OVER!

2006-03-11T02:30:00.000+08:00

finally..

after cramming, forgotten tarps, silkscreened shirts and missing financial statemnts, we are done with marketing.

the avp was a complete mess, but the oral defense was fabulous. and

"your strategy is solid."

hurrah! now, i only have a few more to go...

LT
Finals

Theo

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Finals

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Philo

Documentary

not bad. got 1 more week of classes, finals and then... gasp! OJT!

i still dont know where im gonna work...

and i'm broke

serendipity

2006-03-11T02:25:00.000+08:00

i have been oh so totally busy with ojt interviews, papers and exams. in fact, so busy that i dont have time for classes. haha. i think i had 9 cuts in marketing. sweet.

anyway, i have been really making the rounds of the firms, i was in makati yesterday and today for interviews.

and something really crazy happened.

i met someone. it wasn't a world-shattering love at first sight or anything, but it was just weird, crazy and amazing at the same time. :p i was eating alone at sbarro (my fave pizza place since there arent any stores in katips and sm sl) and this person sat beside me. at first we just had the usual awkward smiles, but we (actually I) started talking and we got to know each other a little but and it was fun. :P at least i got to share a supposed to be boring afternoon with someone i would never have met.and if his story were true, it's one hell of a telenovela story. :P

on another note, im still confused about my present situation. we're always sala sa init, sala sa lamig. sometimes all's fine, but at time's we're squabbling.

i knew philip seymour hoffman was gonna win, but something deep in my hard was still hoping against hope that heath would win.

i like reese, but i was rooting for and expecting felicity. dammit. what a heartbreak.

clooney was expected, as was rachel weisz and ang lee, but CRASH? i though brokeback was gonna win! dammit! now i gotta go watch crash. and all the otehr nominees, except perhaps for munich. im not too much of a fan.

i dont know why the girl who played Hatsumomo wasnt nominated. she was fantastic in her role!

well, there goes this year's oscars. i hope next year i wont be too busy, and that ill ahve time to watch all the nominated films. now, onto Date Movie...

the watergirl: "k"

and what the hell am i supposed to do now?

2006-02-28T02:14:00.000+08:00

there seems to be a lot of free time

there seems to be no free time at all

i'm up until 5 am (or later), 10 days in a row.

no matter how many items i cross out in my to do list, more get added

my 3 most important body parts are aching

i am between schylla and charybdis (ma'am pineda will be proud. although im not too sure about the spelling and im too tamad to check)

should i or shouldnt i? actually, i already made a decision. one that shows how utterly weak i am. but hey, im a real softee.

philo can be a total pain

org and marketing. ugh.

i cant believe how low we're sinking because of this OJT. it's driving all of us mad. and making us class-A tiktiks.

i'm becoming hooked to my planner/journal that i dont find myself craving to blog anymore. i guess it's a good thing. but not to my one dear reader. (hi mom!)

i am so redundant. yakking about my so called life. or dis-life. whatever.

i've been finding myself in alone most of the time. sometimes by chance, sometimes by choice. im getting used to it more and more. im enjoying it more and more. i think if i do get to have a normal, almost always there boyf (maybe 250 mjillion light years from now), i would die of the shock of human contact. for now, it seems like my planner/diary is my new best friend. or more correctly, my first and only best friend.

i am so fat. as in im gaining weight. again. and its so freaking visible. i hate myself. no matter how many times i say that i like my body already and that i wouldn't want to be skinny because then i wont have anythiong to wear and my cheekbones would be so visible i would look like a drug addict, i still find myself hating the fact that im fat.

i guess everyone's like that. if i were skinny, ill prolly think im too skinny and i'd want to gain some weight(Yana). or i might think that im still fat and that i still need to lose a lot more weight until i need to be admitted in a rehab for anorexics (a lot of people i know).

so there, i admit it.

43 THINGS I HATE ABOUT MY BEING FAT (and counting)

1.i hate being fat.

2.i hate being called fat.

3.i hate being told "you're not fat, chubby lang"

4.i hate having difficulty with wearing pants because sometimes the zipper or the buttons won't close

5.i hate that one time i almost fainted because of suffocationa and profuse sweating in a changing room because i cant undo the hooks of the pair of jeans i was trying on

6.i hate having my inner thighs brush against each other when i wear skirts

7.i hate that after some time my inner thighs feel weird from too much brushing against flesh

8.i hate that my button down blouses pop at the bust area

9.i hate that i used to wear spag and sleevelss tops all the time but now im so conscious about my arms i akmost never wear them (except with blazers)

10.i hate that ive surroundered my fashion sense because of my figure-image-consciousness

11.i hate that the underside of my breasts sweats when it gets too hot

12.i hate that my gut hangs over tha band of my low slung botttoms, i have to adjust the band every 20 minutes

13.i hate that im not a truly fat girl that people become conscious about offending me

14.i hate that i cant run or jump or move without my breasts aching because of strain

15.i hate wanting to eat ice cream and chocolate but having to stop myself because of the calories

16i hate eating the ice cream and chocolate anyway

17.i hate that sometimes im always hungry

18.i hate that sometimes im never hungry

19.i hate that my family thinks im such a voracious eater they tell the kids to give theor left overs to me

20.i hate skinny bitches complaining how fat they are

21.i hate fat girls who seem to be happy and feel sexy with who they are

22.i hate that there are more figure-challenged women out there who wear bikinis with no care in the world

23.i hate that i have never owned a bikini in my life

24.i hate that (until last month, and this, only in changing rooms) i have never worn a bikini in my life

25.i hate being the only one who's fat and therefore not in a bikini

26.i hate being told by my family that im fat

27.i hate being told by my so called friends that im fat

28.i hate being told by my family "nagsusuot ka pa ng ganyan, sa taba mo?"

29.i hate having to tell people (and myself) that i don't think i'm fat, that i'm just in the normal range(upper boundary).

30.i hate having to tell people (and myself) that i love my body and that i wouldn't have it any other way

31.i hate the fact that after reducing my intake and exercising like hell (in the gym and on the sly), i still don't lose ANY weight but actually gain

32.i hate that everyone else is losing weight

33.i hate being called SEVEN PEOPLE or KAREEZAS or the MAJORITY or KAYO

34.i hate that i have to pretend that i never get offended or hurt by fatty comments

34.i hate being told that people are glad i don't get offended or hurt by fatty comments and that's why they enjoy teasing me so much

35.i hate that i thought the SEVEN joke would end in college, but apparently some people want to keep rubbing it in my face

36.i hate that i never had the guts to tell people that i get hurt by these comments or jokes

37.i hate that i have to tell people that i get hurt by these comments or jokes

38.i hate that i know i should feel like this, but i do anyway

39.i hate that i dont always feel like this but there are moments when i do

40.i hate that there is a terribly long list about things i hate about my being fat and i havent even talked about my academic, social and love life.

41.i hate that a lot of people would apologize about teaing and making comments about me being fat

42.i hate that a lot of people wont apologize becuase they dont even realize that it's them im talking about

43.i hate that a lot of people would want to reassure me that no, im not really THAT fat, and that they were just joking and they thought i was cool with it

PS
if you think i have forgotten to mention anything, just give a shoutout

PPS (or is it PSS? WHat the hell does it mean anyway? Post post script? or post script script?)
i didnt intend to make this a post about my body image issues. i dont know. its been gnawing my head for years now. i guess it just all came out when i was least expecting it, when i was planning to write another wuv-centered post.

please dont tag or comment anything remotely similar to
"Kare, you are a sexy, beautiful and intelligent girl and you're lucky. You should be hapy with what you have."
I know that. The point is, i still feel lousy.

the watergirl: "k"

all these negative energy

2006-02-18T17:48:00.000+08:00

i feel so tired all the time, but i can't seem to finish anything anyway. schoolwork accumulating, errands get left undone.

and my energy keeps depleting. i don't even go out anymore. not to shop. not to drink. not to eat. not to party. nothing. all my time is spent in front of the pc, the tv, or sleeping. what the hell is wrong?

and i'm getting eaten by all my frustrations. i so HATE it when i ask people if they would want to do stuff with me and they say "I'LL TRY". I know that means nothing in hell would make them go. Why can't they just go ahead and say it?

but what bothers me more, no. it doesn't just bother, annoy or iritate me. it angers me that there are so many people who would say YES. or they would even be the one to make the plans. and i would keep asking them, checking if it would push through and they would say it would. and then at the moment you would go out, you go home and see that they have no pushing through with your plans.

it angers me that there are people who don't even consider that you might have been looking forward to it. that you might have been invited to other parties or events, but you turned those down so you can keep your word. so you wont bail on them. but they'll bail on you. especially when you need them most.

and what is more hateful is the fact that they aren't even apologetic. and that they would do it again, and again. and that they wouldn't even notice how much it bothers you. how much it hurts you. and how rejected it makes you feel.

the pathetic part is that this doesn't happen once or twice. it happens all the time.

i don't hate them. i hate myself for having to depend on them for a little cheering up and recreation. i hate myself for not having a life.

the watergirl: "k"

OJT Frenzy

2006-01-31T01:23:00.000+08:00

Read Sed's blog about his NMAT.I guess this is our quarter-life crisis. after 17 years of education, i still don't know what i want. is my ordo-amoris perverted?

This OJT thing is driving me crazy. I applied to more than 20 companies-from banks to Telco to Cosmetics to FMCGs to hotels. Gaaad. I don't know what to do either. I want to travel, to cook and to organize. I want to plan events and provide a mass concierge-like service. but ill possibly end up as a financial analyst.

okay.. people often tell me to pursue a corporate career first to get rich then do whatever i wanna do. i used to think that it was logical, but now im not too sure.

yes, there are financial rewards, but what's the use if you don't enjoy what you are doing and you're only looking forward to getting it over and done with? sounds pathetic to me.

second, i think now should be the right time for us to do whatever we really want to do, while we are young, single and carefree. at least you still have a greater opportunity in becoming what it is that you want, with the possibility of being successful. if you fail and end up broke, you only wasted a few years, at least you loved what you were doing. and you can still ask for some financial assistance from your family and you are not responsible for anyone but yourself anyway.

if you wait for financial stability, when will it come? you might have accumulated a nest egg by the age of 30, but by then you'll probably be married with kids, your parents are retired and you have invested too much of your life in your career to give it all up. your kids will be independent by the time you're 50, but then you'll have to save for your retirement. also, as you're older you become more (a) risk-averse, and fewer opportunities might be there for you.

hmm.. sound analysis. will i then follow my gut and start a service business? will i enroll in a culinary arts institution?

i dont think so. the corporate world calls. the call of money has never been more potent. i'm a hypocrite with no integrity. so shoot me.

the watergirl: "k"

pilosopiyang pilit, pamimilosopiyang namimilipit

2006-01-31T00:49:00.000+08:00

ilang oras ko nang pinipilit mamilosopiya, magsulat. actually, ilang araw na. bwisit naman o. may sipon pa ako.

i'm so pathetic. i miss him. terribly. little things remind me of him. actually, everything reminds me of him.

i have to keep telling myself that he's not coming back. he shouldn't. it's for the better.

sabi ko malakas ako. sabi ko magiging matibay ako. ngunit nanghihina na naman ako. malapit na naman akong bumigay, mabali ang pilit na pinaninindigan.

***

lagi na lang akong may sakit. masakit ang ulo, mata, tiyan, batok, binti.

***

3 screenings scheduled so far. let's look forward to more.

***

nakaiinis ang mga taong sabi nang sabi na makikita ko rin siya. huwag daw ako mainip, darating din ang para sa akin. ang hindi nila naiintindihan, hindi ako naghahanap. oo, naghihintay ako. ngunit hindi dahil nananabik akong makita siya. kundi dahil natatakot akong dumating na naman siya nang wala akong kamalay-malay. dumating siya nang hindi ako handa at magpadala na naman ako sa aking damdamin. tulad nang nangyari noong dumating siya noon. nabigla ako sapagkat hindi ko siya inaasahan. naisahan tuloy ako ng puso ko. kaya't lagi ako ngayong nakabantay. kung sakasakaling dumating ulit siya, handa na ako. handa na akong pilit patigasin ang aking puso at palakasin ang aking isip. Gumamit ng rasyonalidad one.

the watergirl: "k"

my first love

2006-01-20T16:13:00.000+08:00

first i wanna say thanks to everyone who greeted me by texting and in person. super dami kaya i dont want to list down everyone. basta thanks to everyone! special thanks to ahia! (favoritism!) and no thanks to the seraph. i doubt if he even knows when my bday is.

just watched Little Manhattan with the girls (faloi and yana) in gateway. if you are a cynical, mapang-alipusta person, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. at least not in the theater. you will gag, have difficulty breathing, and finally throw up.

on the other hand, if you are the type who literally "oohh"s, "aahh"s and "awwwwww"s while watching a 'heartstring tugging' film, watch it. you will find company. i cant count the number of times i've felt super kilig and super sad and super confused and super senti about my "tweenhood" and first love.

Little Manhattan is definitely a movie for people who have liberal hope. Gabe is not optimistic, nor is he pessimistic. He knew that his love would probably not last because they are too young, because she is going to camp soon. and yet he kept on loving. he believed not in words but in grand gestures and he did not succumb to the futility of his plans.

***

i tried to think about my first love. if you want to talk about my first crush, there's definitely one guy i have liked in junior kinder. in our section, mickey mouse, i saw this boy picking boogers out of his nose. ick! as in ick!

but as the days passed i saw him as a brilliant, charming and confident young boy who i have seemed to spending more time with (because our parents were friends). my first crush, unfortunately, was not reciprocated. we were not classmates in 1st grade and he transferred schools after that. but i will always remember his quirky smile and his flair for declamation. i guess jaymar saavedra would always be someone i would think fondly of, simply because he was the first guy whose eyes i wanted to peer into.

In fourth grade I was at war with my seatmate, rodolfo azcuna. He was a self centered, conceited jock who flirted with everyone but me. He would always tease me and he seemed to derive pleasure from my irritation. From june to november we truly disliked each other. But one Saturday in november, some of us were in school waiting for our adviser to come back from xmas ornaments shopping for us to decorate our classroom. To while away time, we played spin the bottle. Now, this game is supposed to be tame and corny unless the chosen pair is up to something exciting. First was this guy and me. He gave me the slightest of smack. NEXT!

When rodolfo and I was chosen by the bottle, I didn’t really know what to do. I just found myself being kissed full on in the lips. The next second, it was done. The only indication that it really did happen was the stir it created among our teachers the following Monday. Apparently, some lower grade students saw us.

We went on hating each other’s guts starting then, but for some strange reason, he started going after me in 5th grade. i was already in the 1st section then, while he was in one of the "jurrasic" sections. he gave me flowers, and went on and on about how he loved me. i finally said "yes", but only because i lost a bet. the next day, i told him that it was a mistake, and that i was not ready.

i guess now that i have thought about it, my first final vocabulary-defying love came only in the last few months of my teenage-hood. i say it is my first love because it was the first tim ei felt real pains. literal, physical pains. i still do, sometimes.

usually, when i lose a "loved one," for any reason, it is easy for me to change my final vocabulary and say that i didnt really love him, that it was all for the best, that he didn't deserve me, that i have to concentrate on my studies, that i am better off without him. but with my first love, i have defied changing my final vocabulary. who cares if i spent hours crying over P.S. I love you and Blue Moon and Just Like Heaven? I love him and i was hurt deeply. but i still love him, and no matter how hard i convince myself that he was a jerk, that he didn't deserve my tears, that he wasn't intelligent enough for me, i can't change my final vocabulary.

i keep on loving him, even with the knowledge that there is nothing that can be done to bring us together again. Instead, i embrace the reality that i have to move on, to live with this love that will never be returned. Now, that's hope.
the watergirl: "k"

birthday curse?

2006-01-12T23:22:00.000+08:00

I can't believe im turning 20. i
am sooo old.

thanks to the people who have greeted me in advance

of course,

mom, dad, adrian
mike
phila
sed
treb
ross
augie
wena
frytz

and those who greet me everytime i see them. :p

dum dee dumm dee dum

i watched blue moon. thought about all those people i have "loved." will i regret letting any one of them go? will i look for any one of them near the end of my life? probably not.

i cried all throughout the movie. (i watched in gateway ALONE)I laughed at the "special effects" ( you gotta see the fighter planes scene), the kunot-nuo acting of mark herras and the oratorical delivery of lines.

but the story was.. something else. i guess if i were on another mood, i would have been all cynical and unaffected, but i was in a depressed, mushy, i want to love mood so i let myself get carried away with it.

like the birds, i let the wind carry me to whatever i am searching for.

i let my tears flow. i cried for love lost, love searched, and love found again. i cried for regrets, for cherished moments, for first love and most of all... for the fear of not being able to love or be loved again.

i'm 20. i feel old. but there are still so much i need to do. so much i want to see. and so much love i can give.

the watergirl: "k"

kadramahan ko na naman

2006-01-09T19:05:00.000+08:00

lagi akong nagdadrama.

lagi akong depressed.

bakit ba.

maliit na ulit phone bill ko. wala na kasi nagtetext sa akin kaya wala na akong tinetext. wala na rin akong tinatawagan.

ang daming deadlines tom. orals, estrat, riben santos case. wala pa akong nagagawa.

lagi akong pagod. andami kong nararamdaman.

masakit ulo ko. tiyan ko. nahihilo ako. nasusuka ako. masakit throat ko. lagi akong pagod. masakit mata ko.

depressed ako. im always pagod. and sleepy.

wala ako magawa. ano ba ito.

the watergirl: "k"

body shot

2005-12-28T22:11:00.000+08:00

1st off, i have my planners na! the starbucks planner and another brown one for schedules. :P

hurrah. finally, an acomplishment.

i was a bad girl. tsk tsk tsk. i promise to be good.

belated happy bday to my mum! (35th daw)

***

malapit na bday ko... sana may...

***

christmas was boring. except for the later part when me and my cousins went to punchline (this is already a tradition). 3 Viva hot men were there and they modelled in their underwear. then one of the gay hosts literally dragged me to be one of the three girls to go on stage. of course, as is sop in punchline, there were interviews and "okrayan." One girl was an entertainer in japan while the other was a um who have already shifted courses thrice. I was paired with this guy called Ethan.

after the interviews, we were told we were supposed to do bodyshots on any body part (from the waist up) that we choose. the gay hosts actually chose for me, so i had to lick salt off his left nipple, navel and then the right nipple. i then downed the tequila and sucked the wedge of lemeon between his lips. i hate to say this, but it was yummy. he was hot. (but not as smoldering as...) and smelled good. we then had to do a sexy dance.. he was grinding in front of me then he wrapped my legs around his waist and carried me. :P good thing i had no date!

also, he was very nice. the two other guys seemed to be ignoring their partners (except when its their turn to do the shots or be interviewed. At least Ethan seemed to have interest in me (genuine or otherwise), even making sure that my boyfriend wasn't with me, asking me where i lived, how school was, and apologizing about the naughty activity. he also kept making "akbay" and even touched my bum! :O ! hahaha...

this chritmas was definitely the craziest one so far. i hope to top it next year. or maybe.. this new year...

***

it's knocking on my door again. should i let it in for another chance? or should i double bolt my door?

***

i haven't been on a date since forever. calling the attention of people who can fix me up. :p

the watergirl: "k"

maraming nangyayari

2005-12-20T23:06:00.000+08:00

sobrang haba ng mga kwento ng lahat, kumplikado ang mga istorya at magulo ang pasikot sikot. kung kaibigan mo ako, tanungin mo na lang sa akin. o malamang, kasama kitang naranasan ito. o naikwento ko na.

***

madali ang mga eksamen sa theo, finex at ls. di ko sinasabing mataas ako. sabi ko madali lang. at minadali ko.

***

palpak ang philo docu. maganda ang dokyumentaryo, oo. ngunit palpak ang format at pagpapalabas. ultimate crammers at tipid group. at nasunod na naman ang murphy's law.

***

bobo na talaga ako sa ingles at ispeling. nababarok ako dahil sa mga som classes ko with barok teachers. because i am a risk averse and not risk lover. bwahahaha. funny siya til now.

***

pasok kami sa l'oreal e-strat game. in fairness, minadali at shotgun na decisions lamang ang ginawa ko doon kasi nasa marketing meeting at gumagawa ng ls paper ang groupmates kong sina keboy at faloi.

second kami sa ateneo, 3rd sa pinas, 8th sa geographic zone at 98th sa world. out of 13,000 undergrad and MBA teams from around the worls. 'steeg!

***

wala na 'yun.

***

hindi ko na makukumpleto. pasaway kasi e. pero ok lang. tuloy ko pa rin.

***

3 stickers to go. 1 at kalahatin g linggo kasi ako hindi nag starbucks e.

***

sabi ng weighing scale nila faloi, gumaan ako. sabi ni aly, pumayat ako.

***

kagabi, nakakain ako ng 1st time ng sangkatutak. dimsum, yung fish na may polka dot na yellow na skin at PEKING DUCK.

sa dinner ito ng family ng benefactor ko (daddy long legs. mwehehehe. :P), na nagkataong kapamilya pala ng isa sa mga students ng pinag-faci-han ko. wala lang.

***

itutuloy ko ba o hindi? or more correctly, ititigil ko ba o hindi?

***

daming requirements. daming gagawin. wala akong aattendan na party.
kumpleto ko na ang mga panregalo.

***

kailangan ko n a magcram ng mktng paper. nasusuka ako. hindi ako nakakain halos maghapon. pero nasusuka pa rin ako. parang busog pa rin ako from last night.

the watergirl: "k"

my xmas wishlist and not-wishlist

2005-12-17T01:58:00.000+08:00

christmas sort of just creeped from behind me and made me "bulaga" so i didnt have time to create a wishlist. here are some top of head wishes:

1. an ibook. si jaze kasi e. calling on mommy...

2. an mp3 player for when i am excercising. it need not be expensive. it just need to be tiny.

3. a cutieliscious gym bag. a gray and pink one. or any semi-small cute girly gym bag.

4. track pants and matching hoodie. preferably the white one on display in nike women in gateway. any soft, cotton, towelish-velvety-sh texture a plus. cuteness a must. brand is unimportant. (but the fabric of inferior brands is well... inferior. i just love the fabric that nike and esprit use)

5. sports bra! full support ones! i have tried: wacoal, triumph, so-en and other traditional brassiere brands. nike is okay, although it still isnt good enough. i need support from below the chest area. i think the yoga sports bra might do the trick.

6. gym membership! at moro lang! (its cheap and near). or anywhere within 15 minutes of katipunan.

7. a pretty, girly dress (not in pink-- i have too much in pink) that i can dress up for night use or dress down for school. preferably cotton, or made of anything light.

8. A decent scarf that's light enough for Philippine weather and small enough to double as a headwrap.

9. boylegs i lace or cutie design. also, boyshorts and boxers. i can never have too many of them.

10. a starbucks coffee thermos cup/bottle. i dont know dang what to call them. and i dont want the serious, expensive ones. i just like the playful, cheap ones (300-500 pesos.)

11. that ATENISTA sweats that everyone but me and jenna and kevin seems to have. i know its sold out, but i would love to have that in white.

12. the ateneo varsity jacket. its so adorable.

13. a massage.

14. Sally hansen french tip set and sally hansen air brush legs and air brush makeup.

15. maybelline mousse foundation in the darkest shade.

16. colored (pink, aqua, purple, red, or whatever crazy color you can think of--> except for orange) peeptoe sling back stilletos.

17. Billabong narrow boardshorts.

18. Billabong flips. in black.

19. Billabong Bikini set. Yep, i said BIKINI. To serve as my inspiration for trying to shed some pounds for our (hopefully tuloy) bora trip this summer.

******

WHAT I DONT WANT

1. earrings. necklace. or any accesory. since everyone is accesorizing, i am dressing down. exceptions are anything that bear my name "kare", "kareeza" or my initial, K. I am vain. i love my name. i love me.

2. too small tops. please dont try to flatter me bgy giving me an xs tee.

3. clothes in general, unless i specify it. please ask me what i want and in what size. or give me a gift certificate. :D

4. candles, incense, figurines. believe me, noone wants this.

5. flips. unless they're painfully adorable. i have too many unsatisfactory SOM footwear.

6. make up in horrendous colors for mestizas. i am tanned. i love making me look even more tanned. ask me what colors i use.

7. mediocre keychains, cellphone straps, id holders, etc. again, unless they are standouts.

8. pillows, hankies and pens. please think a bit more. in need hand towels though.

9. FRUITCAKE

10. fake anything

11. hideous bags, shoes, etc. please don't buy anything until you are terribly confident ill like it. at least ask a friend (males with no fashion sense not counted)

****

Super thanks to my tita loida for the fab pink overcoat pasalubong (is it really a christmas gift?). i wore it (sans the fur) to simbang gabi last night and it was a hit with the ladies. the men are, as expected, unable to appreciate such panache.

****

Sorry to all my friends. for the first time, i will not be able to give you anything this Christmas. no moolah and no time to shop. ill make bawi next year. maybe even in january. which brings me to the next thought...

***

in less than a month, I am turning 20! TWENTY YEARS OLD! how can it be? ugh..

i will not dwell on this. in the same way that i will not dwell on "the fackin' issue"

****

remind me not to tell people to watch maxi. i get one of these responses:

"ohh.. di ba yun yung bakla?"

"ah.. Homosexuality is not for me"

"Im not intersted in gay movies"

puhleez. you read the description "Maxi, a gay prepubescent..." and you ran towards the other direction, afraid that your macho friends will discover that you have had a tinge of interest on a film featuring a gay 12 year old. and i thought this generation was getting more accepting.

whenever i hear these responses, i fight the urge to ram maxi's tsinelas down their throats and kuya victor's "batuta" up their asses.

sadly, it seems that some things will never change. or might take a hell lot of time to change.

*****

most catholics secretly dislike going to mass because it can be very boring, routinary and "monotone" (Agravante, circa 2003).

i think it's a sad fact, many priests cannot really hold the congregation's attention, much more touch their hearts.

this is why everyone must hear a Jesuit mass. preferably, in the Gesu during the simbang gabi. true, the churros are there, the night chill (perfect jacket conditions) and the fabulously lighted bel field. but the homilies will touch your hearts. it has touched mine. throughout the equilateral pyramid with a triangular base that is the gesu, you would see people trying to hold back tears. from passion and the rekindling of the faith and not sleepiness.

and the mirrors at the ceiling provide for a good philosophical reflection.

****

this is becoming too long. marketing in 5 hours. i have nothing to wear on christmas day. and i still lack a gift for one inaanak.

christmas list accomplishments:

1. Mom Shirt
2. Dad Shirt
3. Adrian Shirt
4. Nanay Bag
5. Ta Bong Bag
6. Ta Loida Bag
7. Kiel Collared Shirt
8. Aisha Dress
9. video camera toy

Ave and Ruby and Renzo.
Faloi and Kevin and Yana and Jenna and Wena and Irah

Self

Manongs and Manangs

the watergirl: "k"

ika-labing anim ng disyembre...

2005-12-15T22:28:00.000+08:00

simbang gabi started!

for some reason, i was so excited, and hell bent on completing the novena masses...

hmmm...

i almost cried during the homily. it was awesome. to attend mass thats not only unboring, but to actually enjoy the homily. not enjoy it because its funny, or because of some cheap tricks that the priests are using. not that i can blame them. they are trying hard to engage the congregation.

but to truly enjoy, to be touched. its beyond heartwarming. its like the words enter your ears little by little, creeping into your very being until you can feel your spirit responding, and yours eyes welling up.

i truly want to finish this. i can feel that it is going to be the beginning of my Christian rebirth.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

personally, i might be needing a rebirth too. or a balik sa simula. it's over. done with. just like you preicted. but then again, i was happy. even for a few weeks. that's whats important. for me to remember how wonderful it is. and to discover for the first time how physically and emotionally painful it could be. hopefully though, it won't be too scarring.

____________________________________________________________________________________

ding dong, ding dong! ding dong, ding dong! may mga parol na nakasindi...

the watergirl: "k"

kailangan bang maging ganito?

2005-12-06T21:56:00.000+08:00

pwede naman maging uncomplicated yung buhay ko. pwede namang yung simple, walang gulo ang magustuhan ko. bakit lagi na lang may sabit. lagi na lang may gulo. lagi na lang may problema.

minsan gusto ko na magsawa. ako na lang lagi yung makulit. yung hindi makatiis. yung namimilit. yung pumipigil.

mali ba ako? dapat na ba akong mag let go.. mag move on?

bakit ganito? bakit? nakalimutan ko, bawal pala magtanong ng bakit.

ang sama ko kasi e. ang tawag dito ay karma.

mayroon na naman akong bagong pruweba na talagang hindi na dapat pinapairal ang puso. masyado kasi akong nagpadala. isang iglap na saya lang, isinantabi ko n aagad yung mga sinabi ko. yung mga paniniwala ko na base sa mga mapapait na karanasan.

pero nagpupumilit pa rin akong humawak ng mahigpit.

ano ang mas maganda? magkaroon pa rin ng matatawag na pride dahil ako ang unang bumitaw? o mawala na ang lahat ng pagmamataas at humawak hanggang sa huling sandali.. hanggang sa ikaw na ang itinutulak palayo?

hindi ko alam. mas simple na lang talaga kung pinanatili kong nakasarado ang puso ko.

sana, madali lang patigasin ulit ang puso kong tinunaw ng mainit mong pag-ibig.

gusto ko nang magsawa.. pero bakit ganoon? parang ayaw magsawa ng makulit kong puso..

the watergirl: "k"

nasasaktan ako, oh beybe...

2005-12-05T15:21:00.000+08:00

kevin is rubbing off on me. aegis songs are in my head.

bakit ganoon? alam kong sinabi kong handa akong masaktan, pero hindi ko nman inakalang ganito kaaga. ganito katindi. ganito kadalas.

nitong nakaraang 7 araw, 3 bese na akong lumuluha. 2 doon, hagulgol, yung may kasamang sakit ng dibdib. yung kanina... ilang patak na lang ng luha. nakakasawa na rin pala.

wala naman talaga siyang kasalanan e. kung tutuusin, maiiwasan naman. gaga lang talaga ako. ganito yata talaga pag tinamaan.o nakakarma.

masyado na akong nagiging bipolar. matinding kalungkutan, tapos, isang text lang, masaya na ako ulit.

nagiging masokista na ako talaga nito...

* * *

ang kulit mo kasi e. mapilit kasi ako e. sinabi na ngang huwag. pag sinabing huwag at nagbigay ng dahilan, huwag ka nang humanap ng lusot sa dahilang iyon. dahil may iba pang maiiisip na dahilan yun. dahil hindi iyong sinabi niyang dahilan ang tunay n adahilan.kundi ayaw lang talaga niya.

hidni naman ibig sabihin nun, hindi ka niya mahal. baka may iba lang siyang mas mabigat na dahilan na hindi niya masabi.

sige kare.. keep telling yourself that.

pag-isipan mo man ng ilang oras.. (katulad kahapon, nang maghapon ka lamang sa kama mo..napaka pathetic...ganyan na ba ang buhay mo ngayon?) bumabalik ka pa rin sa isa at isang konklusyon. mahal mo siya at gagawin mo lahat, tatanggapin mo lahat, iintindihin mo lahat, iignorahin mo ang lahat at paniniwalaan mo ang lahat para lamang magkaroon ng kahit kaunting pag-asa na maging maayos ang relasyon ninyo. ganoon talaga e. parang hindi ka makapapayag na masisisra kayo.

ayan na naman ang mga luuha mo.. nag uunahang bumagsak... tama na yan.. walang kapupuntahan iyan... sumasakit lamang lalo ang dibdib mo. kaya nahihirapan kang huminga e. tama ang doktor mo, stress lang yan.

kahit ano naman ang sabihin ko at ng mga kaibigan mo sa iyo, patuloy ka pa ring iibig...

the watergirl: "k"

babycakes + my baby

2005-12-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

seemed not so good at first

adrian was mad that i have a boyfriend na.

but after reassuring him that he still is, and forver will be my main man.. (and after tj told hima bout a game site).. he warmed upa little and started acting like Panday in sunglasses... haha...

mom was ok with him. she said she'll still need to meet him before she makes her decision whether she likes him or not.

haha!ang boring na ng blog ko. puro ka baduyan

the watergirl: "k"

heto ako... basang-basa sa ulan...

2005-11-29T15:48:00.000+08:00

purbida. i really am drenched. after sweating buckets at moro, i got drenched while walking back to faura for my theo class. of course, i was once again late. and both of my humongous backs got really wet, and my clothes were sticking to my moisturized skin.

arrgh...

and im so matakaw. ano ba ito

mommy, i cant seem to catch yu online. tita bong has asked me to tel you that she wants you to buy her the big bottle of either burberry tender touch or burberry brit gold.

i might need to use the g2p system.. im texting too much.

hayy...

and mom, ill introduce you when you're here. :P

still in love...
the watergirl: "k"

i'm in love and i'm cheesy, so shoot me

2005-11-27T22:09:00.000+08:00

after almost 3 years of being boyfriend-less.. (pull down that eyebrow!)

yes, my last boyfriend almost traumatized me for life...

tumaya na naman ako.

i am in love..

i am very very mushy...

as i've said, i've eaten all my words.

i love you, my supah hot psycho baby...

and sabi niya i-broadcast ko daw...

so here goes..

I, Ma. Ana Kareeza, is now the girlfriend of TJ "TJboy" Andrada.

so there.

gosh.

the committment-phobe kare is out of the playing field..

and into a very cheesy relationship.

shoot me.

ya flagrant idiots!

hahaha!

and sana...

wala nang magduda.

sigurado na ako.

3 taon rin akong namili.

hindi na siya bading, promise.

or bondying. :p hahaha

the watergirl: "k"

handa ka na bang masaktan?

2005-11-27T21:57:00.000+08:00

kevs asked me last thursday.

i didnt have an answer then.

i do now.

my answer is yes.

nasaktan na nga ako e.

last night, i was alone in my room, crying for hours.

but no matter.

i still feel that the pain is worth the moments of ecstasy that i get, even when i just talk to him.

hard to believe... but i am finally... in love...

the watergirl: "k"

eating my words

2005-11-25T17:38:00.000+08:00

that's what i'm doing. aside from taking in vast quantites of starbucks liquids.

so, in the same respect, im eating my words.

i said i hated starbucks. i said i loved sbc and cbtl. look at me now.

at least i'm going to moro with kevin. trying to burn all those excess calories.

but i'm kinda sad, because everyone seems to be against (or is unsupportive) of my decision.

i know i said i don't believe in boyfriends anymore and that i won't have one during my entire college stay.

shoot me.

all i'll say is that i'm blissfully happy. like i've never been before.

there are many doubts and challenges, but who cares? i'd rather mistake a grasshopper for a bell cricket than forever be stopped by an unshakable belief that all of them are mere grasshoppers.

hopefully, i have found a true bell cricket. only time will tell.

nagdesisyon na akong magtaya. manalo o matalo, desisyon ko ito. lumundag na ako sa pag-asang sasaluhin ako ng pag-ibig. sana'y maintindihan ako.

patuloy na lamang akong magtitiwala, at gagawin kong katotohanan na siya na nga. Ito na ang aking final vocabulary.. sa ngayon.

the watergirl: "k"

nakaririmarim na panaginip

2005-11-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

kinakailangan ko yatang magpabasbas

nagkaroon ako ng napaka vivid na nightmare last night.

parang naroroon ako, si chong at some for girl.. (prolly si faloi)
sa isang place na awal kami umalis. ut then, umalis si faloi at..

gasp!

he and i fell for each other! goodness!!!!

may mga for pinoy movie scenes, akbayan at cuddling..

eekkkk

and then we were called on by some classmates to this hut-like place and... we were asked to sing on duet videoke!

its a real bangungot!

it went on.. with more akbayan and cuddling and lines such as..

"so, i guess we're..."
"i think so.. (the gazing up to the eyes) i've known ou for a long time but it's only now that i've felt this way towards you.."
"or maybe it's only now that we've looked beyond the friendship.."

keso!!!!!!

and icky!

i think this is because of my rediscovered mshiness and chong's pic in my wallet. people have been jokingl asking if we were a couple and one insanely gullible acquaintance actually believed it.

no offensethe to chong, but..

can u imagine?

i dont even want to.

the watergirl: "k"

whoa! 2nd year anniv!

2005-11-02T17:27:00.000+08:00

i almost forgot!

my blog's second year anniversary!

oct 31.. i think.. (im too tamad to check my archive)

and my heart is.. well... let's just say in a not too good condition..

at least one of them is talking to me now. but he's the friend. the one who really mattered (no offense, RA) is already on ok terms with me. but he's cold and distant.

speaking of the past.. (the 2 year anniversary thing)< i saw my ex in the cemetery yesterday, with a girl who is presumably his girlfriend, live-in-partner or wife. (don't be shocked, i heard two of my former classmates already have 3 kids or more)

i told the incident to the aforementioned person and he became cold. arrgh!!

i literally can feel my heart being squeezed out in anguish.

buti pa yung cookies, alam mong masarap lagi. kung masunog, pwede mong itapon at gumawa ng bagong batch.

the watergirl: "k"

what kind of a person am i?

2005-10-30T17:41:00.000+08:00

i'm back in manila, and 2 people wont talk to me

one, because he claims to have too much prolems at home, and he doesn't want to drag me into his problematic life.

and the second, because he feels im manipulating him.

minsan lang ako magtaya, natalo pa.

minsan lang ako lumundag, nahulog pa ako ng una ang ulo.

hay purbida!

napakatagal kong iningatan ang puso ko.

ngayon, durog na naman siya.

parang minsan tuloy, ayoko na lang lumundag.

the watergirl: "k"

dunkin' donuts, globe and seafood

2005-10-25T15:39:00.000+08:00

good lord. i am in puerto princesa and im blogging.

i guess its because we are spending 6days here (with MEA) and

1. im not real good friends with anyone except for faloi. so she and i have our own little world...
2. we have too much time in our hands.

we're all super tired bec we just came from the city tour...
crocodile farm
butterfly farm
penal colony
museum
and some local businesses..

but they all wanted to take naps while i... am too hyper. so i explored the main street (where we are staying), went to the globe business center and then entered a very hot internet shop, using a pc with a linux OS.

oh good lord..

last night, everyone slept too... and faloi and i just went to dunkin' donuts 24 hours and had flavored coffee and talked.. then we played cards and talked til 4:30 in the morning. we had to wake up at 630...

the restaurants are real nice and had great food, though the majority was seafood that i dont eat. i ate this big fish though... and i really liked it. hurrah for me!

i couldnt resist the real cute rainmaker and i bought it for a very special person..

my phone bill is astronomical this month..

yay! tom, we're going to the underground river, then hopefully, the octoberfest at the capitolyo...

then we're going to port barton.. beach!!

god... the places are so good... but the heat and the humidity is draining everyone's energy...

i cant stand the heat....

im going back to our air conditioned room.

Xp

the watergirl: "k"

sembreak for real

2005-10-21T18:34:00.000+08:00

is not as refreshing as i expected.

lagi naman e, when there's something that you've been so looking forward to, it comes as a disappointment

im tamad.

thanks sedie for the new lay out. Xp

the watergirl: "k"

coffee, tea and burritos

2005-10-13T08:24:00.000+08:00

yum yum.

oh my, im gaining back all the quasi pounds i lost.

i dont want to go on GC mode but..

goodbye 3!

i have a B+ in histo.. (im thankful for this! i didnt study for the LT and instead watched the blue eagles lose to dlsu..)

a B+ in eco.. (i know, i know. "kare, u didnt get an A?" would you if you get home at 4:30 am and only then start studying 6 chapters and more than a hundred pages of readings for a 7:30 test? i dont think so...)

i'm really regressing back to 1st year mode..

now, the projections:

depending on my finance finals, i could get as high as a B+ and as low as a C+, although the proba bility of both is around 10% each. a B is more likely

same goes for OR. my standing is at B+, but after the horrendous LT5 and an even more malodorous finals... i might as well get a C+ or a B.

the philo grade is still very volatile. i have a C+/B quizzes standing and a B+/A l.t. standing, but the orals account for 35% of the grade. and what am i doing? not preparing for my 6 pm orals..

and stat. the bane of everyone's ME hopes and dreams. im pretty sure ill pass, i only need 4 to 24 points (based on a 90-70 stat paper range, for which faloi and i pulled an all-nighter just before the o.r finals) to get a measly, but ecstatic D. at least not an F. i need abut 104-124 (or is it 94-114?) to get a C, but it might as well be a perfect score, as i DO NOT EVEN KNOW what the topic is. good work kare!

gasp! my interview!

ADVANCE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ADRIAN!

feliz cumpleanos, mi hermano!

the watergirl: "k"

artificial sembreak

2005-10-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

yana, faloi, jenna and i created a quasi-sembreak. after the OR let, we ranted about the dean, crammed stat and watched the LFS of Tim Burton's the corpse bride. it was so heart breaking, at the same time romantic. hayyy...

then we went home and decided to make use of the blender by making mago-orange gin shakes. hahahaha... we played bridge and yana got drunk and really red. she's now sleeping on the floor... :P

i forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS to FEU! (ep... oopss... bad na naman ako). of course, even if that thing between us has already passed (and will never occur again! it was a momentary lapse in judgement, aggravated by too many bumps of the basketball on my head...), i'm still happy for him and his team. and they beat the sore losers. hah!

as for our team.. uhmmm... in 11 years...

european gigolo was also funny. yey.

i want to have a moroccan mint tea latte. crap. good thing i have cheese naan. it will tide me until tom.

this break, i need to watch
1.longest yard
2.long weekend
3.perfect man
4.undiscovered
5.dukes of hazzard
6.sisterhood of the travelling pants
7.the 40-yr old virgin
*and more...

and im looking forward to
1.harry potter and the goblet of fire
2.little manhattan
3.chronicles of narnia
and more...

back to the stat paper.
then eco finals.
then interview.
then or finals
(im exempted in histo! B+.. not bad for neglecting the lt..)
then philo orals
then stat finals..

dang!

then road trip!

the watergirl: "k"

white flips and red kicks

2005-10-08T18:39:00.000+08:00

i'm pretty sure every other junior MEAn is writing or ran ting about this now.

KILL DEAN.

good lord.

He went in the class and started yelling at people wearing slippers (not following the dress code), while we are taking a very long long test in O.R.

He went on and on that those not following the dress code should leave. he grabbed and crumpled several answer sheets. Lord.

Thanks to PADDY PAGCAOLI (im not sure bout the spelling) for letting me borrow his red kicks. Thank you, thank you. He is sooo nice. He didn't know me, and he was already about to leave, but he let me swap footwear with him. (good thing i wasnt wearing my pink havas).

Thank you too to Aly. He's not my fave teacher but I will be forever grateful to him for letting us take the test when we returned with borrowed shoes.

poor yana and faloi who had to run back to burgundy (in the full blast of the rain). tsk tsk tsk.

think about it. i was wearing an immaculately white shirt, a white and green tiered boho skirt and RED KICKS that was 3 sizes too big. bwahahahah...

back to stat. ad eco. and o.r. and philo. and...

the watergirl: "k"

an atenean in a la salle seat

2005-09-30T13:42:00.000+08:00

because of the frenzy of the past few weeks, i haven't had the time to blog about my novel experience that i'm quite sure would never happen again.

i've sat at an adamson seat, surrounded by many other ateneans. i've sat in an feu courtside seat (provided by... someone i need to bury). but i never imagined i would sit in a la salle seat. (pardon me for the excessive use of seat... staring at scatterplots and r-squared values has muddled my brain cells)

it's all because of faloi's dad. we bought patron tickets from him for the 2nd admu-dlsu elimination round game. by some bizarre event, we got dlsu side tickets.

fortunately, i wore a white tennis shirt. Robin and Kevin were not so lucky, they wore ateneo shirts and jackets. to my right sat a big, rector-looking guy. all around us were die-hard alumni. they were clearly intrigued and asked us questions. one even tried to "make friends" (as if i didnt know he was trying to pick me up--- ecch! my days of dating la sallians are over! {no offense to lak, macky, carl, seth, adrian, alvin, dexter and those i failed to mention.. you know who you are.. })

clearly out, they were loud and rude. they threw insults not only to my beloved Ateneo and not-so-beloved Ateneo players but also to the referees and ushers. i was clearly shocked at the extent of their "cheering." i have watched countless Ateneo games and i've never heard such foul words- from distinguished looking men and women nonetheless.

i'm not saying that they lack breeding. maybe, they were just so caught up in the game. but it has got me thinking. specifically, it got me into a pamimilosopiya frenzy.

the feeling was both exhilaratingly new and repugnantly monotonous. It felt like all eyes were on me, especially while i am cheering "GO ATENEO" while everyone else are waving green and white poms. At the same time, i've never felt so invisible. (i've felt less invisible on 3rd wheel dates.. :p) i felt as if i didn't exist... as if i am but a concept that thinks she is more than that.

hung up

on another note, (im utilizing this extra time to blog.. actually, i cut stat. again.) he said that after years and years of seeing each other, he knew me real well. maybe better than most people. he said that maybe, we were meant to be together. i said, definitely not! but what if? ... i dont want to imagine...

I know i hurt him (iba naman to). so we really had to talk. it was long overdue, we at least had to be back to being friends. the talk went well, but there was something that stung me. he said that i was still hung up on this one guy, and that i'll never get to truly be happy with anyone as long as i haven't closed the book with him. i also want to ultimately close it, but so far i haven't. i don't know how to.

whenever people ask me about my plans for the future or views about life, i always say that i never want to get married and i never want to have kids. i love being a single girl who can go out on dates and then see a lot of people without hurting anyone. but i've hurt a lot of people, and now, i don't want to go on lots of dates with lots of people. i want to go on a few dates with one person and talk and text and smile and hugt and hold hands and all that mushy stuff that i cringe to. i don't min d waitng for him. i'm in no hurry. i just want to be assured that one day, he (or she?) will come.

the lack of sleep, food and oxygen is making me insane. i can't believe why i said that. or maybe , it's how i really feel, under my "strong woman" facade, i'm a helpless little girl. (so that explains the... right jay?)

the watergirl: "k"

feliz cumpleanios!

2005-09-27T00:27:00.000+08:00

Feliz cumpleanios para mi papa!

the watergirl: "k"

air kisses and quasi hugs

2005-09-26T18:48:00.000+08:00

i miss adrian

the watergirl: "k"

tears

2005-09-21T12:42:00.000+08:00

wow... just looking at the date of my last entry have made me realize how busy i've been.

and this friday, there's another stat exam i haven't prepared for.

anyway...

at least there are a few things left

2 OR LT's
1 Eco LT
1 Philo paper
1 Stat LT
Stat Finals
Fin Finals
OR Finals
Histo Finals
Eco Finals
Philo Orals

ok, so maybe they aren't few...

at least i got a decent 85.5 on the fin LT 2
and a 66 on the horrendous OR exam (cancel!)
and a 112 on the LT that i thought i got 80+ in...

MEA is so career this SOM week... i almost cant stand it

last night, i heard my brother crying because he had tonsilitis. i cried too... i dont want him being hurt, and i dont ever want him to cry. i miss him so much. i miss my mom and dad too...

i think my mom thinks i dont miss them, because i dont text or call, and im always busy when we're online. but i actually try to avoid them, because its better for me to not hear from them or remember them. because when i do, i miss them and feel bad.
the watergirl: "k"

i'm alive

2005-09-08T15:41:00.000+08:00

but not for long...

once again..

i am drowned by the backlog.

OR! good lord.... STAT and ECO!

fuck..

but anyway, i haven't even watched 4 films ive been wanting to watch:

1.the longest yard
2.sisterhood of the travelling pants
3.sky high
4.dukes of hazzard.

I thought Cinderella Man wa gonna be corny, but it was soooo good! (i couldnt stop myself from crying)

this afternoon, i was supposed to study OR.

but then i was channel surfing when I saw this really interesting film.

its called L'auberge Espagnole and its really really good.
i especially loved the accents, the languages, the culture, the college life.. it's just perfectly hybrid.

Viva Europa!

the watergirl: "k"

thank you Lord

2005-08-31T14:54:00.000+08:00

119

thank you.

the watergirl: "k"

shift

2005-08-29T11:53:00.000+08:00

the stat lt was a bust.

i have formed my decision rule

below 50 points: shift

above 80 points: don't shift

50-80 points: magmunimuni tungkol sa pagshishift.

why am i so afraid to shift? whats so difficult about it?
baka naman ang pagtawag sa aakin ng logos ay palayo sa ME.

i love my nails.

the watergirl: "k"

my fundamental option

2005-08-19T21:48:00.000+08:00

i think i've chosen fear.

now that's surprising.

im convincing myself that he's an absolute tool.

OR is top priority now.

the watergirl: "k"

i am saved!

2005-08-16T15:42:00.000+08:00

yes, i am

and not because we went to sunday church service. :p

i am saved from burning out.

this started last week when, in a fit of boredom after surfing for Bewitched schedules (it was so-so, btw... but really funny because of will ferrel), i entered the "most interesting personal ad contest" at click the city.

i wrote something about a goddess and a beach babe. you know, usual kare stuff.

last friday, i got a text telling me i won! 2 tickets to the invitational advanced screening of Must Love Dogs at g4 on aug 15. hurrah!

so i asked keboy to go with me. we left katipunan at 3.

we picked up the tickets, went malling at rustan's (where i b.i.-ed kevs to buy a pair of havaianas), landmark, glorietta.. and then we...

went to MAX BRENNER! finally! we rewarded ourselves for our 102 in stat. hurrah!

then.. the movie! it's such a feel good flick. unless you're a 30 something divorcee. then you'll be suicidal. for everyone else, its just funny and light-hearted. and honestly nothing like i've ever seen before.

and we got tater's popcorn,smint and many other sponsored give-aways.

we ate bread talk pizza and roll, and more tater's popcorn.

yummy.

bec ive been living on 2 hours of sleep fpr the past 6 days, i woke up at 9 this morning. thus, i blew off eco and finance yet again. but i'm happy.

spent 9 am to 3 pm finishing my part in the finance case. hmm.. thats a whole lotta hard work.

time for philo!

the watergirl: "k"

cold..

2005-08-12T15:25:00.000+08:00

it's cold...

coffee...

soup..

hugs...

ang kulit niya.

pinipilit ko na siyang alisin.

dapat..

the watergirl: "k"

2005-08-12T01:13:00.000+08:00

ako ay da sein na itinapon sa mundo ng mga kahulugan

wala man lamang akong kalaban laban. wala akong sabi. gusto ko bang mag eksistensiya? kailan? saan? paano?

hindi ako binigyan ng pagkakataong sumagot. basta na lamang ako itinapon.

at ngayon dapat kong hayaan ang Being na baguhin ang aking mundo?

lord, bakit pa?

sabi ko, ayaw ko i-blog.. ngunit di ko mapigilan...

nakikinig sa MYMP versions..

sabi raw ng greek lit prof ni Zafra,

Life is an endless continuum of pain

umaayon ako.

oo, mayroong mga masasayang sandali, ngunit yun lang yun, SANDALI.
at pagkalipas nito, mas masakit, mas mapait ang mararamdaman mo dahil mayroon ka nang hahanap-hanapin.

Mag-aaral.
Maghahanap-buhay.
Magreretiro. (kung swerte)
Mamamatay.

sa bawat sandali, hihiling tayo ng ibang kaganapan.
ang mga nag-aaral, hindi makapag hintay na magtrabaho.. etc etc..

marami nang tumalakay nito.

ang tanong ko, bakit tayo nagtitiis dito?

sabi sa paniniwalang Katoliko, dahil ang buhay na ito ay isa lamang paghahanda para sa afterlife.

hindi sa nawawalan ako ng pananampalataya (ibang isyu ito na hindi ko pag-uusapan dito), ngunit,

paano na kung walang afterlife?

paano kung ang buhay na ito, ang pagkakataong ito ang kaisa-isang pagkakataon natin?
para saan pa ang mga pagtitiis at paghahanda?
paano kung pagkamatay natin, we will just cease to exist?
paano kung mula sa pagiging Da Sein, magiging nothing na tayo?

sino ang nakasisiguro kung ano ang magaganap pagkatapos ng kamatayan?

hindi ba dapat sagarin na natin ang pag eeksistensiya?
danasin ang lahat at huwag hayaang pigilan ng itinakdang paghahanda kung saan hindi naman tayo nakasisiguro.

ngunit paano?

hindi ba inimbento lang ng tao ang konsepto ng afterlife at ng buhay bilang paglalakbay upang mapapaniwala ang sariling may dahilan ang pageeksistensiya?

dahil kung ituturing natin ang buhay na ito bilang tanging pagkakataon natin, wala rin naman tayong magagawa. nakakulong pa rin tayo sa kontekstong pinagtapunan sa atin. kahit gaanong pagbabago ng mundong gawin natin, ikinakahon pa rin tayo ng mundong iyon. kahit gaanong pagbabanat na gawin natin sa sumasakop sa atin, luluwag lamang ito o magbabago ng hugis, ngunit sinasakop pa rin tayo nito.

antok na ako.
nasobrahan sa inom.

the watergirl: "k"

i am not a rat

2005-08-10T19:58:00.000+08:00

so why the rat race?

i am feeling the pressure.

see, i am living an extremely docile life

yes, we got an A in the Philo Lt (thanks to JAZE!)

i got a 92 in the histo LT (hurrah! lucky!)

I got a 77 in finance (the highest was an 83.5... so its not half bad)

a 102/200 in stat... (many failed, and im thankful for 102)

a 97% in the Eco LT 1 part 1 (darn total domestic expenditure)

so essentially, i am experiencing a slightly above average sem.. which is usual for MEAns...

but then..

i dont why many are now expecting that I got an A in the OR test.

it started when i asked aly if my number 5 answer was right and he asked me to present my answer in class.

i mean, im not sure if my answer is completely right, i might have some errors in the constraints

my other numbers might be wrong.

so please, dont tell me that "uyy.. si kare, A" because there's no escaping that.

if i say yes, im mayabang.
if i say no, im mayabang

if i really got an A (shopping!), the tik tiks will make tiktik (hwat??)
if i got a low score, it will be embarassing.

so please, no fuss.

lets take this one day at a time

the watergirl: "k"

o.r, eco, marketing and evals

2005-08-08T18:13:00.000+08:00

my mind is swimming

my vision is blurred

but one smile is all it takes

and then im alright

the watergirl: "k"

johnny depp and the chocolate factory

2005-08-04T00:34:00.000+08:00

finance, eco and OR

but still, i made time for johnny depp

all i can say is, i love him.

walang sinabi si gene wilder

charlie and the chocolate factory is wonderfully sick and twisted.

like a part two of edward scissorhands.

cant wait for Corpse Bride.

the watergirl: "k"

blazers and heels

2005-08-03T00:49:00.000+08:00

i love blazers and heels.

but blazers are too warm for the weather and heels are too high for my long walks with my big bags.

i'm having problems with my eating habits. i've been losing my appetite. i know, this is good news for most people but, i think as a consequence, i've been feeling always tired and drained.

this obsession must stop

i am so freaking busy.

papers,cases, schools briefs, long tests and more long tests. areas. arrghhh.

i hate this sem.

my only consolation is, at least if i'm smeg, im goin on practicum thi summer and ill wear blazers and stilettos, no matter how sweltering the sun is.

the watergirl: "k"

the one

2005-07-30T01:16:00.000+08:00

work is piling up.

i'm not really doing much, but i feel like i'm so busy.

i'm so stressed nout and always tired.

worst of all, im always depressed.

all my muscles are aching. all.

philo is always about LOVE, relationships. of course, it's because jope is so much in love. but what about the people who aren't? those who have never been?

the one. it sounds so contrived. but really, is there a ONE? el uno?

i won't even try to answer that question. it took almost the entire philo class an d no one was convinced we really answered it.

but who is the one?

he is not the one who is always there.
he is not the one who understands you no matter what.
he is not the one who would drive you home from QC to Manila even if he's from Muntinlupa.
he is not the one who is perfect for you.
he is not the one who was born for you. (que barbaridad! )
he is not the one.

he is the one you choose to be the one.

i can say that on more than one occasion, i have thought i found the one. the wonderful feeling that is so difficult to experience without the aid of chocolate or exercise. but then, i was wrong. see, then, i wasn't ready to choose yet.

when i finally did, i dove in hard. to steal a line from padre ferriols, "lundagin mo beybe" became all too real for me.

sadly, he didn't want to be chosen. he didnt want to be the one. what can i do? i wasnt good enough for him.

everyone hates rejection, but i am terrified of rejection. this fear is what drives me every single day. it's what makes me do the things is do. it's what keeps me from doing stuff i should or want to do.

regrets, what-if's. they're very familiar to me. i have them all the time.

that one rejection from my chosen one made me even more afraid.

now i might be ready to choose the one.

but i can't.

because of this debilitating fear

the watergirl: "k"

on being a bohemian third wheel

2005-07-29T13:16:00.000+08:00

wow.. im now into bohemian-corporate. kung paano ko yan napagsasama.. hmm..

like now, i'm wearing a bohemian spag-strap tunic like thingy, with straight cut jeans and my beige peep-toe, sling back stilletos. nice. :P

oh.. and i feel like a complete third wheel. hmmm...

i miss him. haven't seen him in a long time.

im actually regressing to grade school mode- i.e., doodling his name everywhere in various fonts!

dont look at my binder!

the watergirl: "k"

kagilagilalas na mga nota

2005-07-22T23:09:00.000+08:00

naaadik na naman sa mga alternatibo.

102 sa stat. pumasa. salamat. max brenner na to!

eco.nawindang.

finance. major brain malfunction.

miss ko na siya.

cheesy as ever.

ngunit may kaunti nang pag asa.

the watergirl: "k"

ang tawag ng phi

2005-07-13T21:12:00.000+08:00

good lord.
i havent visited my poor old blog for the longest time.

poor bloggy.

ive been studying for stat like crazy. but its not like ive made even the slightest dent on what i should study. i started the hard core studying last Friday. LT is on Friday, July 15. (Happy Bday SED and JULIE and ADREI)

then july 21, Eco LT
july 22, Fin LT
July 28, Histo LT
Aug 5, OR LT

i keep thinking about this one person. hmmm...

people say im becoming cheesy.

where's the real watergirl?

dang!

i am cheesy. senti songs, crazy status msgs.

doodles, drawings.

most of all, short stories and poems and essays.

"song from full house"

"can this be true.. could i be wrong? that somewhere in my past, i fell in love with you"

"what is this im feeling, i just cant explain.. when you're near, im just not the same. i tried to hide it, tried not to show it, it's crazy, how could it be..."

the watergirl: "k"

screwing up and going crazy

2005-07-05T10:58:00.000+08:00

most important fact:

i cut my thursday philo (i fell asleep and woke up at 5- my class was at 430)

i cut my eco this morning bec of SB. it was my report day.

im dizzy. im too sleepy, im super dizzy but i cant sleep.

im starting to fall.

i dont want to.

i got crazy last night. had my hair chemically treated.

the watergirl: "k"

crushed but not yet falling

2005-07-01T00:47:00.000+08:00

this is really scary.

after more than 3 years, i am crushing hard. real hard.

the last time i really liked someone (without him paying any attention to me first or without people trying to fix us up) was back in November of my freshman year. I think my friends know who he is. :P

but i just liked him. now, im getting way into this person i hardly know and see.

im not even a blip in his radar.

i wish he'll notice me.

my biggest problem is, even though im progressive in my ideas, i CAN'T bring myself to ask anyone out.

i've coached many guy and girlfriends into asking out people, and i think its perfectly fine.

but i CANNOT STAND REJECTION.

i just cant.

so ive never really asked anyone out. ever.

i sortof wanna ask him out. but i cant.

oh... what a dilemma.

the only thing thats left for me to do is sit back and do nothing. and suffer in the silence.

he wont notice me anyway.

back to life!

my lifeless life.

the watergirl: "k"

i need help

2005-06-30T00:37:00.000+08:00

i have bought...

a cute but heavy black/denim-ish, pinstriped blazer

fishnet stockings.. yey!

lots and lots of watson's stuff

when i cut stat last monday to watch monster-in-law with faloi. (btw: super funny. l.o.l. funny)

i bought...

a green, printed, spaghetti strapped dress

a khaki "lois lane" blazer

when faloi and i cut stat wednesday to watch hitchhiker's guide (it isnt showing na at gateway!!!)

dang!

oh.. and i had dinner with the AJ peeps! super fun!

i miss him... haven't seen him and haven't talked to him in a while...

but at least i'm sure there's no "sabit."

that's good enough for me.

the watergirl: "k"

on my vow

2005-06-27T00:43:00.000+08:00

saturday night. tinamaan ako ng matinding divine power.

mahaba ang nasulat ko. 3 pages sa likod ng 16th century social classes yung isa. tungkol sa mga pagmumunimuni ko.

pero dahil may 7:30 intact pa ako mamaya...

yung isang maigsi na lang::

i'm tired of writing my silly stories

i'm tired of my issues.
i'm tired of my "strong" views.

sa totoo lang, nakasasawa rin palang palaging mag-isa.
masarap magkaroon ng kasama, ng susundo sa'yo lagi.
masarap magkaroon ng magtetext sa'yo paggising mo, at ng itetext bago ka matulog.
masarap mangailangan ng sun sim dahil 24/7 kayo magkatext at magkausap.
masarap magkaroon ng kahawak ng kamay tuwing natatakot ka sa mga mama, ng magsasabi sayong bagay ang damit mo kahit mukha ka talagang suman sa liya.
masarap magkaroon ng kayakap sa ilalim ng payong kapag umuulan, magdadala ng gamit mo kapag nangangawit ka na, magmamasahe ng likod mo kapag sumasakit ito.
masarap bumili ng regalo para sa mga monthsary, mamili ng sangkatutak na cards na ibibigay mo araw-araw at magtawagan ng "baby" kahit kesong-keso ito sa kakornihan.
masarap kiligin tuwing maririnig mo ang theme song niyo, kahit hindi mo maamin ang kabaduyan mo.
masarap kahit korni. masarap nga maging jologs e. masarap yung wala kayong pakialam sa iniisip ng iba.
masarap kahit ang mga selosan at pagtatalo, lalo na ang pagbabati.

napapasobra yata ako sa puyat.

the watergirl: "k"

a change of heart

2005-06-26T20:38:00.000+08:00

last saturday ( and almost allw eek last week), i thought of quitting intact.

now.. i think ill be sticking it out..

for several reasons...

as for the most compelling reason, ask me. :P
the watergirl: "k"

mga karimarimarim na dalumat

2005-06-23T19:29:00.000+08:00

kahapon, tumambay kami sa may sec walk ng 1230-130, pagkatapos ng histo, bago mag stat.

habang kumakain si faloi at nagbabasa ng guidon, tinitignan ko yung mga dumadaan. nakakaaliw.

siyempre, mga damit yung pinapansin ko.

karamihan sa kanila, nakasuot ng matitinong damit naman, ngunit masyadong generic.

maong na pantalon- printed baby tee at flipflops para sa mga babae at printed tee para sa mga lalaki.

kausap ko ang aking dear brother na kalbo na.

makikipagkape muna ako

later

the watergirl: "k"

more shopping, shit.. i might be sick

2005-06-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

first i wanna say that i am trying to "career" macro. hmm.. ill try to do it with fin too.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DAD and TATAY!!!!

again, im too lazy to blog.

i bought this really fab pair of somethin' else heels, i saw it on paris in the simple life.

2 cutesy pairs of shorts. 1 in white, another in pink.

fab, fab, fab new stuff for my existing clothes. im gonna try to be crafty again!

oh.. and i spent 3 gruelling hours in recto. it's complete hell.

the watergirl: "k"

shooping for classes

2005-06-17T14:55:00.000+08:00

what an extraordinarily busy 1st week of classes!

that is going to be followed by a more hyper-ly busy 2nd week of classes.

MEA and others
my mondays, tuesdays, wednesdays, thursdays and fridays are being filled with MEA and other extra curricular stuff.

FIN
our 1st case presentation is tentatively scheduled on thursday (i volunteered our group!)

readings from the book! arrghh!! boredom!

ECO

i have to start reading businessword, read the handouts, read mankiw and regularly check nso, bsp, census and other gov sites. eek!

HISTO

apparently fun. but with a ton of readings and NOLI plus FILI!

OR

run for the hills!

STAT

calculus. in greek. need

PHILO

ang pilosopiya ay ginagawa

SHOPPING
nice... i have 2 new pairs. a pair of velvety black pumps with rhinestones and kitty heels. which i wore while i walked from ayala heights to katips in the heat of the late afternoon sun.

and a pair of tan gamusa peep-toe, sling back stilletos. sexy!

im too lazy to blog.

im reading recaps for desperate housewives.

i might want it. but no. i cant.

the watergirl: "k"

i lied

2005-06-09T03:51:00.000+08:00

i went to the mall.
i had no plans.
i was happy reading memoirs of a geisha. (i finished it na! poor nobu-san!)

jenna was the b.i.

watched mr. and mrs. smith
drooled at brad
drooled at angelina

bought new cropped pants.

what can i do?

im only human.

the watergirl: "k"

no more shopping for me

2005-06-08T01:04:00.000+08:00

before you jump for joy (if you're my mom or dad)
before you raise your brows (if you know me well enough)
before your world falls apart and shatters (if you use my shopping habits to be able to shop guilt-free)
before you do anything...

hear this.

there's no more shopping for me this week.

because i spent most of my shopping money on spa treatments...

now it think its gonna be my new thing..

sauna and massage and getting my nails done and foot spa and masks...

supah fun!

(shit... now im sounding just like them!)

ho h's! no z's! and dEfInItElY nO tOgGlE cAsE!!!

back to the games!

btw... if before i like going to the movies, shopping, dancing and being wined and dined on dates...

now i like to go to spas on dates!

:P hahaha!! :P

the watergirl: "k"

my ideal boytoy

2005-06-04T15:19:00.000+08:00

ive been eading some other journals and many have talked about their ideal girls or guys. ive been asked a gazillion times about my ideal man.

my usual answer is "as long as we connect"

BULLSHIT!!

or in masci terms..

BARBERO!

i guess i do have ideals.
but it wont limit me.
see, i bdont think i ever had a boyf who truly fit that ideal.
just because one doesnt satisfy these set conditions wont prevent me from truly liking someone.

the externals:
at least 5'8" at most 6'4" (i draw the line here bec i hate short guys and ive once dated a 6'6" person . creepy)

i just stabbed my heel with a pusher (accidentaly). stooopid.

bald or has long hair. i know, that's weird. a goatee with the long hair is nice.

must look clean and mabango. this is really important.

scruffy but still fresh looking. yes, it happens. like a rockstar look but still clean. (like.. u know who)

muscular. but not too much. i love rubbing strong abs. (but i still like yamyam's tummy!) sort of just athletic. not a muscular mr. universe type. just not too skinny and not too flabby.

ouch! my heel still hurts.

tanned. a golden tan is just sexy!

straight teeth. straight teeth.

slightly thick but not bushy eyebrows. big brown eyes. or chinito, i dont really care. as long as the eyes exude emotions.

a tight butt! (hey, this is an ideal!)

nice hands and feet. clean nails.

a metrosexual! because personal hygiene is really important to me. soft, smooth skin and good hair are very attractive.

the internals:

umm... a strong and healthy heart
properly working intestines..

haha.. (joke ba yun?)

smart and witty.
can make asteeg and funny hirits.
someone who can argue with me about senseless crap, but not taking it too seriously. he should not let me win in 'arguments', i can win by myself.

someone who will let me be mean and catty and cruel when it comes to crtiquing strangers. it would also be a plus if he's like me that way too.

is gifted in an area of visual or performing arts. just one is enough

is NOT clingy. he would let me hang out with girl and guy friends and not fuck about it.

will not care about what i wear. will not tell me what to wear, do, think, feel. i hate guys who try to conrol me. thats because i have to be the controlling anal person.

im dizzy. ill update this. swear.

the watergirl: "k"

more bohol pics + pangascasan pics

2005-06-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

sinisipag ako mag upload.

last nyt super walang sleep. as in zero.

dang!

i have no appetite. sad.

in the man-made forest

buried in the sand at panglao...

i got a nice starfish in panglao...

matching outfits wid the mom

with the bro in this nice river cruise..

sooo hungry b4 breakfast in alona..

with the bes..

a much photographed carabao..

in the farm

wid bes again

somewhere in the province

the watergirl: "k"

pics pics pics

2005-06-01T01:43:00.000+08:00

here i go again.

nagpupuyat. kailangan ko gumising ng maaga. aayusin ko pa hold order ko sa registrar, mag pprep course at mag eearly reg. eeek...

kaya pics na lang!!

d ko pa naaasikaso talaga ung pics.

addict na kasi ako sa

insaniquarium
diner dash
zuma
bookworm
pizza frenzy

yikes!

damn this photobucket...

at the beach with the cousins...

blood compact site

beach babies

at the shrine wid the fam

flying solo

sadly, i cant upload my bikini-clad pic. tsk tsk tsk...

the watergirl: "k"

into my heart

2005-05-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

i don't even like him.

he's not even my friend.

yet... why?

i should never have read it.

now... im hurt...

he has been a significant part of my life...

but him?? jeezuz!

i'm not even a speck in his.

i am but a forgotten apparition

completely detahed from his reality

while my life...

almost centered about him

it is done.

i have said so many, many times.

but this time, it is done.

no matter how hard i try, how hard i tell myself that he is no more.

i know that he is still there.

i wont say he's gone. forever.

he is still here, in my heart.

the sole reason why i cannot let ayone else in.

because he is here.

he has been here. for years.

and maye for years to come.

but i have to keep him hidden.

never again should i let his spirit out.

i will just cherish the flashes of ecstasy.

ive said this before, but i didnt understand it.

ill say this again. this time with thorough understanding.

goodbye.

goodbye.

you are still here.

you might be here always.

but goodbye.

goodbye.

the watergirl: "k"

i have a new love

2005-05-30T22:52:00.000+08:00

and his name is... Harrison Ford.

Just spent the entire day on my bak.. watching Starwars episodes 4, 5 and 6.

and i fell in love with Han Solo

Luke and Leia are.. eeekkk

Chewbacka was cute.. haha

the tiny teddy bear looking creatures are cute too.

but Han Solo was a HOT-TIE

Saturday night was divine...

details cant be expressed here.. ask me... those in the know...

i shall not give in...

no...

i will NOT have a boyf...

the watergirl: "k"

i hate my fucking period + my need to be quasi

2005-05-28T21:53:00.000+08:00

last night almost sucked. good thing i was able to rescue and resurrect it with a night of dancing at the basement. ( i have broken in my new shoes. i spent the entire day today with really sore legs)

anyway... i wasnt able to attend yet another training. a combination of dysmennorhea and hang-over. now that's a deadly combination.

again... and again.. im feeling so fucked up. goddamn it...

sometimes i think it would just be so much better for me to be quasi once in a while. by quasi, i mean jologs. eek. i hate the word. see, i need to be less uptight and start being more free spirited. like in a club, people would scream and jump and just be crazy. i cant be crazy. even when im drunk. im always... holding back. i always have comments like "what the fuck is that?" i avoid watching catfights and staring at artistas. i always want to project the cool and calm image. (not the collected image... i almost always look harrassed and stressed out-- messy look)

now, if i could just let go.. i would start having more fun. like lauughing out loud at crazy and outdated un-p.c. jokes. like making uzi at events...

oh well... i so wish im quasi...

oh.. and im starting to wish i have a... a person i can hang out all the time with. not a boyf. i still stand by what i said before (at least, i think so). but a boylet who's sortof kindof dependable. oh.. damn..

and for those who are asking, no i dont have anyone ryt now. ;P

the watergirl: "k

oh happy days

2005-05-27T19:39:00.000+08:00

spent all day yesterday playing the beach thing, diner dash and zuma.

today: training in the AM, then episode 3 at cinema 10 gateway. (had 2 drinks and 3 popcorns.) fell asleep during anakin and obi wan's fight scene (i cant.... fight... the soft leather.. especially with my legs comfortably leaning on the lazyboy leg rests.)

then i bought... a pair of really nice and sensible high heels. will be posting pics soon...

we're goin out for wena's bday. :P

today is a good day. even if i had to wake up at 5:59 AM

tom.. training

tom and sunday.. LFS

mon adsa meeting

tue early reservation

wed reg form and early reg

th sophmore reg

fri senior reg

sat grad reg

june 6 junior reg

june 10 freshmen reg

june 11 free for all

the watergirl: "k"

period

2005-05-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

got my bloody period today.

late afternoon.

so that's why my rack has been feeling kindof tender and it seems to have become heavier

it's a good thing i didnt get it earlier.

i was watching having a teen movie marathon when it came. i didnt even notice it.

had it arrived a lot earlier.. say yesterday, i would have suffered through my ma 151 exam

had it arrived a bit earlier.. say.. this morning.. i would have a big bad bloody red stain on my pleated white skirt. (yikes!)

now i cant move.

my back hurts because of my bad posture

my heavy rack is aggravating my posture (its also really, really heavy and tender)

my head hurts so much because of the heat

i get dizzy all the time bec of my vertigo

i sometimes feel the need to throw up(but i cant, i just gag)

i find it difficult to breathe.. (o2 levels? asthma?)

i get weird tummy aches and spasms...

and now i cant even move bec of this menstrual cramps.

oh puhleezee

i need a vacation

take me to the beach or kill me. (at least, please do it by drowning me in the sea)

the watergirl: "k"

in the church

2005-05-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

the temperature yesterday was higher than ever. if that's even possible.

went to manaoag.

tried to pray. cant really

tried to study. i dont want to

major headache

earlier: finance finals

goodnight!

the watergirl: "k"

outbreak of tears

2005-05-21T20:17:00.000+08:00

its been a while

what, with all my obsessings about everything... i dont even have time in my hands

oh and my pc broke down, i had to have it reformatted, and i bought a new, incredibly cheap optical mouse (just 400 pesos!)

anwa... so much has happened (or so nothing.. depending on one's perspective) over the last few days.

lets just say i was able to totally screw up my whole academic life this freaking summer

dang!

dammit

oh i hate this hot summer

nasty... humid.. sweaty.. sticky.. totally and absolutely icky!

yesterday was a particularly bad day for me.

i mean, i dont really know what got me into the depression stage

its just that, i found out i had a really low score in the MA Lt 2 (think a D), though i was sortof expecting a 110 already ( i got something a few points higher.. :P)

then come quizbowl time...

i wasnt really running for the team, im not interested in eing the top of the class.. partly because i have no proper study habits...

but then i wanted to get a decent grade (a B+), but because of my dismal performace...

especially yesterday, i felt so out of touh with reality.

anyway, we have our comprehensive finals on monday and i haven't studied a page of the ridiculously long coverage (a book and a half)

i'm goin out of town tom...

oh and the galera trip is proaly off... no thanks to my suppossed companions. so much for having something to look forward to.

anyway, so i stayed at the codo until about 5:30. i was planing to go home at 2 but i watched fifty 1st dates, fell asleep, went online and then played zuma.

on my way home i was having great diffiulty breathing, i was feeling so down. i was also totally depressed.. it was so hot and sticky and humid. i was so tired. on top of that, i felt like throwing up. several times. but then i cant. i felt so pitiful... i wanted nothing else but to crawl into my bed.

when i arived at my lola's house, tears were already starting to fall. i ran to my house but then my aunt saw me. i wasnt able to contain myself and i just burst out into tears. when they asked me why, i just said that i was soooo tired.

i went into the room, turned on the air conditioning and just wailed like a kid. maybe its regression. i was just so tired. its like the time when i was sick and i just cried beause i hated the feeling.

i hated the feeling. especially that of being so alone. but then, thats life. im really alone. nothing can change that. (well, techinically, we're all alone so i have no reason to say that im so opressed)

i tried to puke. but i cant. until now i havent been feeling well.

was it because of the grades? the pressure that im putting on myself? the expectations? i know i wont be um laude. that's really sad, but the old me would have said "fuck everyone, i dont care. i dont have plans" but now.. i do care. i do care a lot

or is it something personal? something that would explain my depression, something that would explain why i havent really been able to enjoy myself totally, to lose myself completely in happiness, even for just a second.

dang.

what a life.

the watergirl: "k"

the hyperactive me

2005-05-05T21:27:00.000+08:00

after a year of inactivity

a year of quasi-activity

i think i am arriving at that gloomy period in my life.. when i would be hyperactive.

i didnt really want to do it. i still dont know whta this means. but i know one thing:

there are at least 4x more meetings.

and i cant miss any of them.

dang!

tomorrow it starts.

i hate pigeons. they have to be shot. every one of them. and stuffed into real cramped pigeonholes.

my tummy hurts...

eeekkk....

crappy.... crappy...

i don't even know what i want to do...

dammit!!

i just wanna fall in an eternal stupor... or maybe a 100 year sleep...

but dang!

i cant...

have to...

do stuff...

i'm getting tired of it...

the watergirl: "k"

PICTURES PICTURES

2005-05-02T23:22:00.000+08:00

habang nangangati ang allergies ko at inaasikaso ko na (finally!) ang AB application ko (for formality.. at mahirap siya)... matapos mangarag dahil sa MA 195 assign( d pa rin kami complete. hehe.. makikipag "groupwork" pa sa ibang groups tom)

and after many long years, magpopost ako ng pics. luma na ung iba, ung iba bago.

una muna, kahit tom na ang MA 151 first ever exam results... at nanganagnib akong maka D.... kahit mababa ang score namin sa fin quizbowl.. gusto ko naman maging masaya. kaya nagshopping ako at bumili ng... (kahit sabi ni mommy impractical daw...)

fabulously cute! sabi nga lang ni bubbles mukhang Barney (doh... purple si barney) or Barbie daw. so.. Barbney? (disclaimer: d ko yan joke)

btw: sa mga may 6610 phones, im happy to inform you na gagana pa rin siya after malaglag siya face down sa isang plate ng olive oil with herbs and balsamic vinegar. amoy foccaccia nga lang siya after. hours after.

more pictures: nakita nio na ba ang cutey at pasaway bro ko?

ooops... hindi yan.. hahahah

d ba? pogi naman...

not to mention sweet at malambing..

pinakamamimiss ko ang kisses niya.

bagay ba sa aking magpa convert?

oh... lunch here at the ilog where they filmed panaghoy.. fun fun fun!

man made forest in bohol:

and man made torture in QMMC:

the watergirl: "k"

hopless ad sick

2005-04-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

im literally sick. i cant even get out of bed at times. tonsilitis, extreme headache flu.

allergies. to the heat. the sun. the dust. rashes, rashes everywhere. my hands.. feet... lips. my LIPS!! goodye kissable lips!

mom, dad and adrian just left this moring. and for the first time i my life, i was crying like crazy. i guess this summer was the first time my brother and i really had the chance to bod, and it breaks my heart just thinking that itll be aother 11 months before i get to see his cute and "tambok" face, before i can get to touch his soft and smooth skin,before i can smell his babay powder sent, before i can taste the sweet flavor of his lips, before i can hear him whisper "Ate, I love you."

i will sure miss the nights when we'l fall asleep in eah others' arms... when i would wake up to his kisses..

i dont want to wallow i the sadness...

so im gonna go shopping.

forget finance. forget math.

I HAVE TO SHOP. FOR MY SURVIVAL

number one in my list is a pair of butterfly havaianas. i cannot not have a pair.
there isnt really a number two.
the watergirl: "k"

problem

2005-04-22T15:28:00.000+08:00

i havent been happier in my life.

first of all, its the 1st friday after an entire eek of summer classes. and boy, im beat.

the week started fab... with sunday being a crazy day.... :p

everyday was dedicated to classes from 9 am to 3 pm... afternoons and evenings to solving problems, reading the hundreds of pages of finance (literally) and preparing for the next day.

3-4:30 was dedicated to Adsa work.

however, life didnt become too simple. there was the Monday when i frolicked around gateway in my jammies and flips, and the countless nights in coffeeshops doing nothing but... drink coffee (wah)

oh and i didnt do these activities alone. ;P

yep, i have some semblance of a life outside school.

going to the gym was out of the question, as i had to even schedule organizing my closet, watching TV and eating.

so i resigned myself to being a fat ass-ed bitch. hmm... it could work.

the low point of everyday was always Ma 195.

In fin 198, my 7 male classmates are really good, but at least i can keep up. most of the time. recitation was 20% and ive been able to recite several times.. a bit near my usual recit level.

in ma 151, im struggling with the calc part, but i get by with the combinatorics and some analysis.

however, in ma 195, i really just cant follow. 1st of all, i cant see whats being written on the board, cant hear whats being discussed (or i simply dont listen) and i dont know what the hell they are talling about. i might as well take an advanced mandarin class with 79 other GI's. (genuine intsik). not that it doesnt feel like a chinese class.

but last night i had a breakthrough. queena said that once you get the correct answer, you experience a feeling of high. but when i solved the penny problem, i wasnt ecstatic, because well.. i think the problem was way too easy. it was a problem that might appear to be extremely difficult, one that you can spend several hours on.. but once you get it, it's a no-brainer.

i was reading the symmetry chapter (i cut the thursday class) then i read fr ben's assigned problem. as i was reading it, something suddenly clicked. i got it.

i was so happy i told alyana. then i couldnt hold my happiness that i went to faloi's unit, in my shorts and tee. sadly, she wasnt there. i went back to the unit, slightly deflated, but nevertheless happy.

friday morning, i was scrambling to eat breakfast (half a mini apple), get dressed in a smart casual JG SOM attire (white top with butterfly short sleeves, pink A-line skirt with floral design and black kitten-heeled sling backs) and attend class in time, so i can have the opportunity to recite.

i arived with 2 seconds to spare and i was out of breath while i was confirming my answer with kevs (pattie). turned out he didnt answer it so he doesnt know if it was right. when father ben asked for volunteers, i hesitantly raised my hand.

it turned out to be right, and as the class continued, i started to gain more confidence. i was getting the lessons! i was understanding and participating (sortof) in 195!!

three cheers!!

im off to the beach (that's why i cant attend the AJ dinner. i miss you guys!). i just cant let this day pass without blogging bout my 1st and possibly (but hopefully not) last recitation in Ma 195g.1

enjoy your vacay!

oh and....

im liking him more and more.

dammit!

the watergirl: "k"

2005-04-20T19:03:00.000+08:00

asteeg.. interesting mind game.. its so easy on this site tho.... its harder when someone's just telling you the rolls...

but dont think twice before clicking the link........

http://www.borrett.id.au/computing/petals-j.htm

anyway, thats about all that i was able to solve in ma 195 class.... im dying..
especially with the fin 198 readings AND the integration in ma 151...

anyway... im liking this guy...

we've spent a lot of time together...
but we were set up by 'Mr Big'...

i dont know if i want to like him...
but im liking him too much...
i want to protect myself from getting hurt but im having a hard time trying to stop myself from liing him...
cause he's just so darn likable...
witty...

he has some qualities i dont like (physical and otherwise), but over all the cute stuff outweigh the not so good stuff...

hmm...

im liking him...
i dont want to...
but i cant stop myself...

darn it!
the watergirl: "k"

Announcement: Kareeza will die this summer

2005-04-15T16:10:00.000+08:00

no kidding.

you want an illustration? read on.

yesterday was the first day. i woke up at 6 since i was coming from manila. i was carrying this husge bag. i went to my 9 am ma 195 class. queena would ask a question and hands would shoot up in seconds. just when i was trying to read the question. dammit.

queena said the course is only offered to selected people because those who got C+'s and below would most probably fail the class. oh well. then that means there's no hope for a double C (ma 21 and 22) person like me then

then off to finance at 1030. wow. another class where intellectuls meet. i ws the only girl in class and the only non-innately brilliant student. arrgggh!!

and dont get me started on ma 151. grrr.....

on friday: 1st mock quiz bowl in finance
next monday: 1st departmental math exam

good things i have someone to look forward to.. thanks to c!

the watergirl: "k"

whoa!

2005-04-13T17:08:00.000+08:00

its been exactly 39 years, 5 months, 14 days and 6 hours since i last went only and updated my beloved bloggy

i just wasnt able to go online bec

1. my pc is in the condo
2. my rents and bro came home
3. i went to bohol and cebu
4. registration kept me busy
5. im just too damn lazy

anyway... i just want to tell everyone who doesnt know yet that my QPI is a fab 3.92!!!

damn that acc 35! i got straight A's (inc PE!) except for that blasted B+ in acc. guess i wont have to make libre. :P

my cumulative is now up to a whopping 3.39..

reg has been such a disaster.. my own reg and the reg of everyone else ive handled..

my daily summer sched is:
9-1030 ma 195.g1
1030-12 fin 198
130-3 ma 151

then i have ANI pa, TTh around 12...

j did something weird the other day. i wonder what he's up to..

i so enjoy being with my bro! he adores me and i worship him! now hw could i cope when they go back to ksa?

bohol was such a blast but cebu was a total waste of energy. no offene to those from cebu. i guess it because we stayed in the city and didnt do all the touristy things like we did in bohol

the nerve of this guy to actually pretend that...!!! arrgghhh!! never mind.. he's so stupid he has to keep transferring...

i havent watched TV like a proper couch potato in more than 3 weeks! whats happening to my life????

and i havent watched a proper movie, save for the miss congeniality 2 with jaze (it was armed but not too fabulous)

im losing my identity!!

my hair is curly... umm.. more of kinky right now...

dammit! i miss my bro! ill go home na nga lang instead of sleeping here sa burgundy...

miss y'all guys. im looking forward to seeing the ateneans tom and everyone else in the near future... but im not too thrilled with the start of summer classes. just when i was starting to enjoy the BUM lifestyle!

the watergirl: "k"

hopelessly searching

2005-03-29T15:27:00.000+08:00

most of my dreams are weird. that is, they belong to an indeterminate classification. this means that whenever i get hold of a dreams interpretation book, i cant find a category to which my dreams fall under (flying, falling, roaming the streets naked). except for one

the only classic category that my dreams relate to is searching. looking for someone or something... endlessly... hopelessly...

i guess that's always been my problem. im always looking for what isnt there. perhaps this can be explained by Jacques Lacan's metaphysics of absence. (for those who didnt take Yapan this semester, it sinmply means that you develop an unexplicable and unexplainable desire because you feel that there is something missing... this phenomenon is brought about by one's knowledge of language, which sets boundaries on stuff that aren't clearly defined by them.)

so maybe because of this grasp of language, this fucking boundaries, this useless existence... i have come to the unconscious realization that my life is lacking. that's why im constantly, hopelessly searching. because i have a desire for something. now, there are instances when i try to explain and identify that desire. it may be material possessions- shoes, bags, skirts, tops (ive never been to big on tops.. a plain white my tee will do), and lately, flips. geek gear such as comps, cp's, books... achievements such as won contests and academic excellence (hence, the sporadic attack of GC-ness.. like now).

and of course, there are times when i think that this desire is fueled by the search for the uber mushy word: acceptance. not a few times i mistook this desire as a desire for love, that is, the elusive romantic love.

whether or not im pained by my latest flame or cooled by my "realizations that relationships are really rotten" (what a nice alliteration), all i find out in the end is the cold, hard fact. the fact that these arent my desires.

proof of this can be seen in the number of shopping sprees that i take, the number of discarded clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, cps, pcs, books, certificates that i have. the dunped "loves of my life". the heartbroken people that i leave behind. or the number of times my heart has been broken (yep, contrary to popular belief... my heart has been broken.. several times.. the last time it happened... i became really really afraid to make a pagtataya. thats why my heart's been hiding ever since)

i dont desire to have things. i dont desire to be an over achiever. i dont desire greatness. i dont desire to be accepted or to be loved. what the fuck, i dont know whati desire

again going back to the little Lacanian thing, i dont know what i desire because this desire cannot be boxed in a nice little word or phrase. this desire will prove to be constantly elusive... as words can never capture its essence.

maybe i dont really have a desire at all. maybe.. im complete... maybe there is no absence to speak of. but then, i would have to be dead, because life would not mean a tad. dammit...

i wont try to explain it, because i cant.

all i know now is that i think i have found the present solutioon to this age old problem. Yes, i think when and if i fulfill this desire, i will realize that this is not it. but then, at least i was happy, at least i thought i would have been contented.

that is...

i desire to watch the simple plan concer5t this march 31

but then i have noone to watch it with... :(

the watergirl: "k"
the watergirl: "k"

my incurable disease

2005-03-29T11:18:00.000+08:00

hmmphh... konti lang

A ako sa SA!! woohoo!! to fulfill the impossible dream!!

impossible na maka A sa acc.. kaya yung mga nagpapalibre kung maka 4 sem ako, sorry na lang kayo

ayan ha.. igsi lang niyan.

to someone: baka sabihin mo na naman...

the watergirl: "k"

very humid shopping

2005-03-29T10:43:00.000+08:00

nakakatamad

pero gusto ko mag blog
nagpapakabanal ako, nag visita iglesia at nag eastervigil-salubong
may "realizations" ako nung vigil, i wrote habang nag hohomily ung pari, ill type it.. in the near future...

im so excited with my fam's arrival..
2 days to go!!

anyway, e1 na lang ang akiong aqcuisitions:

1. cute green tankini from p & p, to complement my pink board shorts, skirts, etc

2. a pair of white and a pair of blue flips from Bayo (super cheap!!!)

3. a pair of green retro skechers (from my gramps)

4. a white with green stylings XOXO mini backpack (from my bro)

5. a plain white stretch tee from Bayo

6. a cutesy striped pink sportsbra from Nike

7. a pair of khaki Pj drawstring periscope pants

8. adorable spongebob panties

9. a pair of pink wrap around rayon pants (the one faloi and i have been salivating for.. but mine is way too looonnngggg)

10. a pink tank with green lace trimmings

11. a tea maker

12. a long sleeved pink gap top with white vertical narrow stripes, white collar and white cuffs

13. a long sleeved white gap top with blue vertical and horizontal mini stripes

14. a pink knee length straight cut skirt

15. a khaki knee length straight cut skirt

16. a pair of black slingback kitty-heeled mules with floral brooch

still to come:

1. a fab pink guess bag

2. pink silk pj's with lae trimmings

3. toiletries and beauty products from the body shop (my dream co) and M&s

4. tons of tea leaves

5. coffee

6. a tub of cream cheese and other fatteniing stuff

7. a pair of black strappy stilletos

to buy:

1. a pink ruffled bohemian skirt

2. peep toe mules

ill update this list.... cant remember some of the stuff...

the watergirl: "k"

finals... diet.. (?)

2005-03-22T09:35:00.000+08:00

finally!!
i have some time to talk about my finals... and another round of GC-ness

ill be brief. (i swear)

Eco 102: major crammed review session with Faloi, chong, yammy and everyone else...
the exam was a bit harder than the midterms, but i just need to get a 71 to get an A (A is 95, we all get a plus 10 for perfect attendance, then i get a surplus of 14 points from my midterms.. i got a 94, plus 15 pts bonus)then i just have to hope he gives me an A in the 34% impression/ participation... i hope so.. even if he thinks im irrational for wanting to panic buy shoes and potato chips... and he tried to talk kevs out of our "relationship"

Fil 14: carmming the day before with lyndy and char in mochablends. we dillydallied, but it worked. though the exam was freakishly hard, the type that would make you cry and give up in the middle of it, the 3 of us got A's in the finals. Mind you, all of Alvin's students would have gotten an F if he didnt curve. out of a hundred, the highest scorer was a 66, Lyndy was the highest im the class, a 60. The perfect score was a 63, so i still got an A with my 59. Since my prefinal is a C+, and i got a B+ in the presentation and a minimum of a B in the recit, im assured of an A in Fil

SA 21: again, crammed in between the Fil exam and the SA one. I think i got a fairly decent score. i wrote and wrote and wrote. for the first time in my life, i was one of the last 5 who finished the exam. (usually im the first, i finish halfway through the alloted time)i just need to get an 84% average for the ethno, finals and social change paper. I think i got an 84 in the paper, at least a B+ in the ethno. so i can afford to get a C+ in the finals and stll get a B+. as for the A, its quite unreacheable since i need to get a 96% average for all

Acc35: i wrote about this na. i can have a B+ tops. a B if im unlucky.

btw... im in this quasi-diet. i eat lots of fruits, try to stay away from fatty drinks and food and eat salads 9with olive oil and red wine vinegar) whenever i can.
but i keep cheating it by eating chips and ice cream and cakes!
Lord help me!
the watergirl: "k"

sunoggg!!!!

2005-03-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

i said earlier that there was a lot of smoke in the unit... here's the real deal.. (not the bbq!!)

i woke up a bit early today, then attempted to study. actually, i fooled myself into believing that im studying. and then, at around 1:30, went to Mcdo to meet up with my blockmates.

unfortunately, they decided to play a joke on me (they all ignored me) when i was quite anxious over the test and conditioned to cram, so i just left and went to sbucks to study on my own. my blockmates thought i was angry, so they texted that they were sorry and went to sbucks to make sure that i was fine.

then i hung out at school around 330... up to 4 pm when i took my test..

the test...
i might get around 40-50 in the part I
45-50 in the 2nd part.. please Lord.. so that will get a B+.. and thus get a higher qpi.. more about my qpi computations and gc-ness in the next entry.

then, i passed the test earlier than the rest again. at 7, we all went to the Fame room to eat pizza, discuss the presentation to dr. dayrit at rockwell (busy sched this break and during the summer term!)and...

hear darwin REMINISCE... wahahah.. its actually funny.. he had a lot of funny and cheesy memories.. including his GC-ness and burning down his cervini dorm room bec he was studying under candle light bec it was blackout.

the fire...
then i went homme arond nine, noticed there was smoke in the unit and asked yana bout it (she was watching Alias). she said there were just some people barbecuing so i just went online.. after a few minutes of webcam-voice chat with my mom, my eyes started to water, and i had some difficulty breathing. when i asked yana to come with me to 7-11, she refused, saying it was almost Outback Jack. this was surprising cause she doesnt even know the girls in outback jack. (go Natalie!!hehe.. i know she's gonna win)

then, as i was about to go down, Irah arrived and told us there was a fire at the 4th floor grills, right outside our window.. that was why smoke was filling the unit.. making it appear like heaven..

we decided to go to the football field for the picnic we have always wanted. we brought cans of frozen pineapple chunks, a can opener and some spoons, a foldable banig and 2 pillows. the picnic was fun!! unfortunately, there were no stars, so we cant have our stargazing. we resigned to watching the planes, waving at them and acting as if our other roommate Jenna was there (she's now in Davao)

then wena arrived wid her boylet, they brought us Mcdo burgers and fries.. yipee!!! 2 libre in one day!!

we then went on hyper mode, using the goals as monkey bars, playing luksong baka and tinik (in vain), jumping, did some taichi.. practiced karatedo moves... just went HYPER and fun!!

thanks to the sunog..

now im sweaty, sticky...

but im happy!!

and.. shopping tomorrow!!!

13 DAYS NA LANG...!!!ANDITO NA SILA MOMMY!

the watergirl: "k"

tears in my eyes

2005-03-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

naiiyak ako

magbblog sana ako tungkol sa diet..
dates...
exams..
grades..
pizza na libre ni darwin..

pero mausok. d ako makahinga. luhang luha na mata ko. super irritated na niya

dahil sa putanginang (minsan ko lang gamitin to, pero dapat lang naman)neighbor namin sa baba na nagbabarbeque.
d ko alam kung sino siya
pero ma food poisoning sana siya

shopping tom!!
the watergirl: "k"